Blak Yak

I sat in the company lunchroom today, reading about great restaurants to bring the kids (part-time job research) when three of my coworkers came in. I had my back to them, but their conversation was fascinating.

Coworker 1: Put some in a cup. I'm curious.
Coworker 2: You may not want to. It's nasty.
CW1: Yeah. But I'm interested.
(Sounds of liquid being poured; audible sniffing.)
CW1: The bouquet is not appealing. Ew.
Coworker 3: Take a sip.

At this point, I turned around. Coworker 2 was holding a bottle of Coke's new soda, Coke BlaK, which is the great brown carbonated liquid Coke combined with the great flat brown liquid coffee. I'd had a morbid fascination with this soda since I heard about it, so I watched the proceedings with interest. Coworker 1 took a sip, made a face, and swallowed.

"It's not good," she said. "Ew."

Apparently, someone was promoting this bad idea on the street and giving away bottles, hoping it would attract people who'd spend actual American currency on this slop.

"It tastes like someone poured coffee in my Coke," she continued.

"It's like Fear Factor in here," I said.

"Well, I may as well throw this out," said Coworker 2, holding the bottle between his forefinger and thumb like a gross towel, "unless you want some," he said to me.

I grabbed a Dixie cup, and watched as the liquid poured in. It looks like regular Coke. It's brown, it's not too dense, there are bubbles. I sniffed, and it did not smell good. The predominant smell is coffee, with a hint of flat, old Coke in the background. I took a sip.

As my Coworker said, it's not so bad that you'd spit it out, but you swallow it and wonder why. You first taste the sweetness of the Coke, then the taste of bottled coffee hits you after you swallow. Maybe it's just me, but all bottled coffee beverages (Frappuchino, I'm looking at you) have an odd metallic taste that fresh-made coffee lacks.

I'm not sure who the market is for this soda. I'd imagine video gamers who never sleep and live solely on hot dogs from 7-Eleven and Bagel Bites, because anyone who craves sleep (there is no indication of the caffeine content on the label, but it's got to rival Mountain Dew) and has a functioning taste bud in their mouth is going to realize this stuff tastes like high-octane ass. The stuff also costs about $2 for a small bottle, so wouldn't it be wiser to stock up on 2-liter Cokes for the same price as an itty bitty bottle of Coke BlaK? All the jittery alertness with none of the coffee flavor mucking up the Coke?

So, a thumbs-down from me on Coke BlaK. Maybe you'd like to try New Coke again?