Fierce

Oh HELL no.

I am not a fashionista. This is the worst thing about living in such close proximity to Newbury Street-- I must watch all the daddy's girls and people with better jobs than me walk around in their cool, hip clothes. My default look is flip-flops, jeans/casual skirt, tank top/t-shirt, glasses, hair flying all over the place. When I feel like looking nice I can do it-- I love girly sundresses, the Boob Dress, my hot black pumps-- but wearing hot clothes that are "of the moment" takes a lot of money.

I do, however, know what looks good on me. I look good in boot cut jeans. I can't wear shirts that hug my belly. Anything that shows off my meager cleavage is good. Ideally, I'd like to own a very good quality suit that I can mix and match with other items, more button-down shirts, a nice wool skirt, a nice tweed jacket, and an endless supply of cashmere sweaters for winter. Do you notice what's missing from that list?

Leggings.

My friends and I have been in an argument about this since the fashion magazines released their fall issues. All that's in there is denim and legging combinations. The window display at Lord and Taylor on Boylston Street has an off-the-shoulder black shirt, short denim mini, and leggings on display. I am of the mind, much like the girls over at Go Fug Yourself, that leggings are not okay. They are not okay under a skirt, they are not okay under a dress, they are not even okay for gym use. We, as women in our twenties raised in the Eighties, have been down the legging road before. We should allow that road to be closed and let moss and trees grow over it, not have it widened for more people to travel upon it.

Some of my friends, however, advocate for the leggings. Steph, who weighs all of 115 when fully dressed, thinks they are okay in some circumstances.

"What about an opaque tight?" she asked me in the midst of a heated argument over the leggings or no issue.

"I have no beef with tights because they cover the entire leg, including the ankle. A legging ends at the calf and cuts off the line of the leg and is completely distracting."

"But what about tucked in to a boot?" Alicia piped up. "I hate wearing tights with boots because they wreck my feet and my feet get all sweaty. If I wore leggings, then I could wear socks but still have warm legs."

It was a good theory, and I had a hard time defending my anti-legging, pro-tights stance in the face of it. But I believe that buying leggings at all only encourages clothing companies to keep making them, and girls who didn't live through the Eighties will buy them and wear them with flats. My Mom and I went out for ice cream a while ago and in front of us in line were two high school girls. One wore a long tunic top that I swear was made from a bedsheet I owned in 1984 with little hearts, rainbows, and clouds all over it, paired with runched leggings and those canvas shoes with the black and white tile print on them. The other wore a white top, denim skirt, black leggings and gold flats. They both had bleached-blond hair that was curly and huge. I have tried my best to hide all photographic and written evidence of my feathered bangs and begging my mother to allow me to perm my hair in fifth grade and these two girls were trying to drag my shame back out into the light and call it style? Bitches, please.

I take a stand here today: leggings are not okay in any circumstances. If you are so cold in your skirt that tights won't work and you need extra fabric over your skin, by god, put on some pants. There are many wonderful kinds of pants in this world-- wool pants, denim, fleece, khaki-- use them. Do not use semi-pants in their place.

Stay tuned. Next week I try to decide if slim-fit (NOT TAPERED, JESUS CHRIST) jeans work for anybody, of if they should join ultra-super-low-rise jeans in hell's fashion waiting room. I sense some camera-phone fun!