Portrait of the Blogger on Liquid Crack

So Trader Joe's has this new item that is basically Mountain Dew meets Red Bull with some natural flavoring in it. It has 75mg of caffeine in it, per serving. A can has two servings. I drank the whole can. Now I'm jittery but my eyes are still heavy. It's rather unpleasant and I don't recommend it.

As you may know, last night Kristen and I got some gratis tickets to the Bruins game (thanks, Deb!) and were wicked close to the hockey players. I got my first official whiff of eu de hockey stank from nine rows back. Also, Chara is a fucking monster. However, the highlight of the evening for me was appearing on a Jumbo-tron. A group of about four ten-year-old boys were kitted out in Bruins bear foam hats and Bruins foam paws, so they got put on the scoreboard with Kristen and I in the corner of the shot. I know it's stupid, but I always wanted to be on a Jumbo-tron. That's how Pamela Anderson got her career started, which is notable in that while she had to put up with both Tommy Lee and Kid Rock (...ew), she got to appear in Borat. She should just quit now while she's ahead. I don't know what this means for me since I have no aspirations to be a Molson Girl but I think it is a sign of good fortune. If I don't post for a few days, it's because I've finally won the lottery. Or had a heart attack after too much sugar and caffeine. Whatever.

Hey! Did you guys hear that Jewel is playing South Station today?! Yeah, if it were 1996 we might give a shit. Nothing will get the workweek drones and college kids (and me) heading home to points South faster than some freestyle yodeling. The trains run on time tonight, friends!

Does anyone know who is hosting the Grammys? I know Ellen is hosting the Oscars, which is going to be cool. I think Stephen Colbert should host an awards show. Lots of wardrobe changes, and from what I hear, the kids love them some Colbert. And, as I've mentioned, I am fucking stoked that the Police are playing the Grammys. I am giving up some P-Bruins action to get back to Boston in time to watch the show. In other Police news, rumor has it the Police will be playing Fenway Park on my birthday. Like, the actual day of my birth. I have put my friends on notice, and if any of my wonderful readers have connections, I will pay you any amount of money for tickets to that show, even if you don't want to outright give them to me to celebrate the wonder of my birth.

I'm going to go all Miss Manners For the New Millennium on you, kids. Please turn your mobile phones to the "silent," "vibrate," or "off" functions while at work, especially if you work in a cubicle. At present, four of my coworkers and I are having audio-water-torture inflicted upon us because somebody left his or her phone on the "hear it from the Space Station" setting and is at a meeting while her voicemail indicator works. Beep. Beep. I'm about to go through her things and throw the fucking thing under a bus.

That is all. Have a good weekend, and I'll see you back at the office on Monday.