Friday Answers to Questions

Happy Friday, everyone. I hope your tailbones are all in tact after two days of commuting to work by opening your coat and sailing across the ice. I'm hopeful that Saturday will lead to some thawing because I don't think I can handle watching people run across glare ice to catch the T to work for another week. It's nerve-wracking. I guess the T is hoping some cracked-open skulls will melt the ice more effectively than hiring someone to clear platforms properly.

I know Mitt Romney announced his candidacy for president this week, but it's not like we didn't know it was coming. Whatever. He didn't announce his intentions here in Massachusetts, which is fine with me. I don't understand why his campaign HQ is in the North End when he's much more popular in the midwest. Does Mitt really like lasagna? He seems like more of a Swedish meatballs kind of guy to me. With buttered noodles. No sauce.

I am unnaturally excited to see Music and Lyrics tonight. It's like an overdose of cuteness with both Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore in one movie. They could put Hugh Grant in a movie where he just read the boxes of various cold cereals with an occasional "blimey" or stutter thrown in and I'd pay $10.50 to see it. Yes, I know I'm falling prey to a moneymaking machine and killing my brain. Whatever. Hugh Grant is so DREAMY.

One of the things I really enjoy about my blog is StatCounter. This handy little device tells me where my readers are, where they came from, and how many hits I get. The most fascinating aspect of this is the "keyword analysis" tab, which shows me what people Google to land on my little corner of the internet. Some of the items are downright nasty (involving wax and cooters, mainly), but most of my random hits come from some very specific terms. To make it easier on everyone, I'll just answer your questions now.

1. I don't know the truth behind any rumors about Maria Stephanos, including whether she's had a boob job or where she gets her clothes. Yes, I guess she's attractive. But I don't know the details of her life, her physique, or her anything for that matter.
2. I don't know who the people are in the new Rembrandt commercial. I was too busy imagining the eight-year-old detailing to a shrink in twenty years how her babysitter exposed her to a heavy make-out session. "And he pulled on her lip! It was frightening to me! I thought he was hurting her! I USED TO LIKE TOOTHPASTE ADS!" I think one of the entertainment shows like Access Hollywood or Extra had a piece on the "actors" in the commercial earlier this week. Check there. I believe they're Italian or Spanish.
3. Chikage Windler left Channel 7 in Boston in September of 2006. She's in Minnesota. See? She had bad hair, though she was lovely otherwise.
4. Todd Gross was fired from Channel 7 in Boston in a rather abrupt fashion, as rumor has it. He still broadcasts the weather on his website and has endorsed hummus. No, I'm not kidding. I will bet you $100 American dollars that Todd Gross' ringtone is "White and Nerdy."

No, my ringtone is not "White and Nerdy." It's currently "Any Way You Want It" by Journey.

Enjoy your weekend, folks. Resist the urge to buy cars this weekend, and instead have elaborate fantasies about what a President with an actual brain could do for us.

Just One Station...

Lately over on good ol' Universal Hub, there's been a lot of discussion about the demerits of Channel 7. And while I very much enjoy my vitriol towards some of their newscasters ("Shut up, Lorch!") and love of others ("Hiiiiii, Peeeeete!"), I watch Channel 7 fairly frequently. After all the hate for Channel 7 lately, I started to think about why I watch Channel 7 at all.

The obvious answer is that Pete Bouchard is on Channel 7 and he's just swell. I also get my information on the weather from television. I occasionally scan the Globe's weather page, but I find it easier to get information for a local TV channel with the radar. TV weather is also more up-to-date. Perhaps not any more correct, but I feel like I know more after watching TV weather. ("The white blobs are almost out of here, which means it's almost done snowing. I'd better get on my snowpants and go sledding now.") And, like all native New Englanders, I love weather cut-ins during a big snowstorm. I know it's snowing, but I like thinking about how much snow we'll get, how close the weather forecasters were, and when it's going to end. I love the sense of safe panic. (Where is the fecking snow?! Colorado can suck it.)

I think it all boils down to the fact that I don't watch the news for news. Local news is only a half-hour long (the four hours of news Channel 7 airs every afternoon is basically the same newscast over and over) and there is no possible way to know everything that's going on locally in that short time. What all local newscasts are is entertainment. Occasionally, some really amazing investigative reporting happens, such as at Channel 10 in Rhode Island, and affects some change. Generally, however, local news is for entertainment only. Car crashes, train wrecks, evacuated airport terminals, the figure of Mary/Jesus/Satan in food, political speeches, Hollywood dalliances, movie reviews, basic outlining of consumer rights by consumer reporters, weather, sports highlights, thanks for watching, goodnight. When I want news, I read a newspaper or internet news sources. When I want to be entertained, I watch Channel 7. And, despite all the haters, Channel 7 does an amazing job at entertaining viewers. Flashy graphics, attractive anchorpeople, dramatic writing, the deep-voiced announcer guy-- it sates our base desire for salacious "news." If I had my druthers, I'd get my news from Channel 10 in Rhode Island, but Channel 7 is my Boston favorite.

The haters can hate. It's not perfect, but I love Channel 7.


Old school.