Officially Freelancing

When I lost my job, the woman I babysit for said I had one week to advertise myself as an unemployed writer. "After that," she said, "you're a freelancer."

I guess that's true. Not only can you find my work here and on Blue Mass Group, but I'm also doing some work for NESN.com. Today I wrote about what the new Red Sox logos mean for the MLB-licensed caskets.

Be sure to check it out.

Red Sox Fandom Springs Eternal

According to this year's Turnkey (mmm, turkey) Team Brand Index, the Green Bay Packers have the most rabid fan base of any pro football, baseball, hockey, or basketball franchise in America. Our beloved Red Sox came in second.

While I'm not doubting the amount of passion an adult must feel to be willing to wear a block of styrofoam cheese on his or her head, this doesn't seem quite right. Let's review the methodology.

The online survey measured such things as team popularity, fan loyalty and assessments of owners. It asked participants about their perceptions of teams — How entertaining it is to attend games? Is the organization’s appreciation of fans genuine? Does the team have likable players?

I'm guessing the company didn't ask fans whether or not they had the opportunity to be buried in a coffin bearing their favorite team's logo, because otherwise the Red Sox would have ranked higher.

In yet another disclaimer-free Red Sox culture story, the Globe reports that the MLB has allowed a coffin company to use the Red Sox logo (and other MLB team logos) on its products. Green Bay Packers fans have to spiff up their own coffins, since Google doesn't turn up any companies that have the right to use an NFL franchise's logo on its urns.

To me, the fact that the MLB allowed this proves that Red Sox Nation is clearly more passionate about its team than are Packers fans. Although I choose not to dwell too long on the fact that the same company that makes the Sox coffins also makes caskets for Trekkies and urns for cat ashes. We're enthusiastic—not socially awkward fanatics like nerds and cat ladies. Right?!

Kismet

It's fate, people. I'm looking to be more creative in my work; Boston is looking for a poet laureate.

In addition to composing works about Boston, according to a proposal by Councilor John Tobin, the city's poet laureate would be charged with educating the public about the ancient art form. He or she would also compose poems for functions such as the State of the City address, swearing in municipal officials, and high school graduations.

Well, I took the infamous Forms of Poetry with Bill Knott at Emerson, and while the class nearly destroyed my will to live, I did learn quite a bit about the forms of poetry the ancients used to entertain themselves before TiVo. I have a writing degree and a rhyming dictionary. Hire me.

Writing samples? Okay. Here are some off the top of my head in the favored quickie form of the haiku. I do them 5-7-5, though the kids I babysit kick it with the 3-5-3 form. I may be counting syllables wrong. As the eight-year-old tells me, I need to work on my math skills.

Blow cold breeze
nose hairs freeze solid
I dream of sun.

Dunkin Donuts love
America runs on you,
bitter roasted beans.

A form of poetry that doesn't get nearly enough love is the clerihew. Here are a couple.

Mayor Menino
got elected by kissing bambino.
He reacted with gall to the fug City Hall
and for a new one he started to brawl.

The Departed
is a film not for the fainthearted.
It entered Scorsese into the Oscar race,
for him to lose would be a disgrace.

JD Drew
a prospect to leave Boston blue.
Us fans? We don't want him
Trot leaving still has us grim.

I mean, this is some pretty rudimentary stuff here. With the proper time and a good benefits package I could do much better, Councilor Tobin. My email's on the sidebar. I have a resume and references. I look forward to hearing from you.

Drink and Fight

Oh, Trotter.



The Sox's batshit-crazy contingent is down by a lot in this off season. Who's going to participate in any bench-clearing brawls this year? We've got [REDACTED] and Mike Timlin. David Ortiz is too slow to effectively hit anybody and Manny will just run around in circles in left field. We'll miss you, Trot, you crazy son of a bitch.