Say Hello to My Little Friend

I bought my last computer in 2001. Shortly after the 9/11 attacks, I figured life was too short to limit myself to the iMac I bought off my high school English teacher before I left for college. Also, having a portable computer made it easier to use Emerson's bandwidth to download mp3s.

But over the past few years, my baby wasn't as sharp as it used to be. All videos played in a Max Headroom-like manner. I had to upload pictures from my new digital camera at work because iPhoto couldn't handle the files. iTunes became a pain in the ass to run on the slow memory.

Finally, a few weekends ago I lost it. I was trying to get some work done on a Saturday, and my laptop couldn't even handle loading Boston.com without being a giant pain in the ass about it. As is my wont when I'm frustrated, I picked the thing up and slammed it on my wobbly IKEA laptop tray and yelled "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"

It was time to say goodbye.

Later that weekend, I came home from a completely unsuccessful day at the Natick Mall Collection and checked out Apple's refurbished items page. Among the still-outrageous MacBook Pros and huge displays, I found a low-end MacBook for a mere $850. It was still too much money for me to spend in my debt-addled state, but it was impossible for me to work from home on my old laptop. That, and I'm a professional blogger. Mama needs to be able to blog while on the road. Justifying it as a tax writeoff for next year, I used the available credit and the remainder of my tax return to pay for my new baby.

Now that I have my new precious, I've realized I was navigating the Autobahn that is the information superhighway in an Edsel. My computer can ably play music while I use Microsoft word. Boston.com loads swimmingly. Gmail and Blogger can keep up with my keystrokes as I type. I can even use the WiFi on my new baby (a few months ago, my old laptop stopped recognizing its AirPort card). That, and there's this new application called Photobooth that allows me to take goofy self-portraits to my heart's content. I bet it will be fun at parties.

I will always have a soft spot for my old laptop. We went through a lot together, from freelance projects to the end of my college career to shitty basement apartments. But I hope my new baby and I have an even better life together.

Mish Mash

It's not you guys, it's me. It's funny how starting two new jobs in as many months is both terribly exciting and leaves me catatonic on my couch by 10pm. But I'm still reading the news, still doing the whole young urban woman thing, and sweating my balls off. Metaphorically. So, I do the copout thing and give you my random thoughts.

Am I the only person who does not give two shits about the iPhone? This comes from a girl who geeks out over everything Apple puts out, but I just don't care to wait in the 90-odd degree heat to buy a $600 phone. You know who does? One Henry Breen of Cambridge.

"It’s a holy day of obligation," said Breen, a Cambridge resident. "And if you tell me you’re not going I just think you’re mad. End of discussion."

Dude. It's a phone. Yeah, it's cool and all, but maybe you should read a book or something. Go for a walk. Get a grip.

It sucks to be stuck inside your office in the middle of a city and read "it's a great day for the beach!" online. While not everyone loves the beach as much as I do, the idea of sitting in the glaring sun and playing in the waves sounds so nice. Instead I'm going to either sit in front of my box fan all night, trying to breathe as shallowly as possible or I'm going to crush a neighbor by trying to install my air conditioner by myself. All around Boston, women are wearing skimpy clothes out to bars to lure burly men back to their lairs, where they will whisper, "Hey, hottie. Wanna install my air conditioner? It's here in the closet."

Kelly Clarkson's new album isn't as good as I'd hoped. I don't hate it, mind you, but maybe Joan Anderman at the Globe was right in saying that perhaps Kelly should have listened to Clive Davis' advice. I still want to hang out with Kelly, despite all the haters.

The Globe's 27-part epic on Mitt Romney is going to kill me. Thank God they're putting it online, because I can't sit and read that much over coffee. I want to be up on His Mittness' past (now I know why he hates France-- France was a dick to him) but wading through his family tree, his business deals, and a few generations of Romney photographs is going to take some time. And Mylanta. I'd also like to say hello to Mitt's supporters, who like to leave comments (read "Once There Was This Boy..."-- Haloscan doesn't work on permalinks) on my Mitt posts months after the fact that attack me for things I did the exact opposite of. Thanks for stopping by, guys!

Oh, and, as always, Ann Coulter is a cunt.



I wish Elizabeth Edwards had been a little more forceful with that abhorrent little toothpick. Though the best way to deal with Ann Coulter is to not deal with Ann Coulter. She's a vampire-- she won't bother you if you don't invite her in. (No similes intended. I think Coulter is actually a vampire. Her tan is just to throw us off.)

My iPod is Dead

...Long live my iPod.


Why so glum?

This is what my iPod is currently telling me. I should be cautious because it is sad. I just went to Apple's website and got this lovely information:

If you cannot force your iPod into disk mode and restore it, then your iPod is in need of service. Set up an iPod Service Request or make a reservation at the Genius Bar before visiting your local Apple Retail Store.

No way. I've tried to set up an appointment at the Genius Bar before, and that place is harder to get into than Studio 54 in the '70s unless you've got a current Apple Care plan that gives you access to the geniuses at the bar before everybody else. At the ripe old age of nearly two, my iPod, my beloved lovely, is dead. (Unless anyone has any ideas on something I could try that doesn't involve dismantling the whole thing.)

Remember when I got my iPod? I was dating the Whatever. I was still living in an affordable apartment and had about seven roommates. I was psyched the iPod had a color display and could hold pictures. It feels as though a lifetime has passed since then. The Whatever is history, I can't afford my gorgeous studio apartment, and iPods now play movies. I'm just disappointed we don't have flying cars yet in this glorious future.

While I'd normally be throwing myself out of a window with grief, I've had so much good news lately that this minor bump in the road isn't phasing me. (More on that later.) I also got an iPod as a gift for my old company's 20th anniversary, so I have a backup. I'm a little nervous because it's a Nano and mine is a full-blown iPod with 20GB of storage. While I hadn't filled it up, I think I'm quite a bit over 5GB, so I'm going to have to make some hard choices. I can't live without Kelly Clarkson, Amy Winehouse, Tori Amos, Nine Inch Nails, or the Indigo Girls. I need my cheesy pop music for when I work out. I need to keep my '90s throwback music on for impromptu parties. I actually had this exchange with a coworker at my work gym last week:

Me: Go ahead and watch whatever you want.

Guy: Thanks. You're iPodding it today, huh?

Me: Yeah.

Guy: What are you listening to?

Me: Um... Salt-n-Pepa.

Guy: Wow. Old school. You got any Bel Biv Devoe on there?

Me: Actually, yes.

Guy: Awesome.

I feel no shame. I can't be the only one who prays for a Salt-n-Pepa reunion tour. If the Police can do it, in about ten years I should be singing "Shoop" at Fenway Park.

The worst thing about my iPod being broken is the fact that I had to go to Apple's website to decode the cryptic sad iPod on the display. Now I see there are shiny new MacBooks that I am in desperate need of, since it's becoming apparent my six-year-old laptop isn't cutting it anymore and may die at any time. I think I'm going to wait until after the Mac World conference in a couple of weeks and see when the new OS X will be rolled out and consider going into debt (more) for a new baby.

EDIT: Now my computer has recognized the iPod, I have restored it, and it now isn't recognizing the wall outlet. And like an obedient circus dog, I am doing what it asks to try and make it work again. Damn technology.

EDIT 2: Yeah, the work gift was a 1GB iPod. I forgot until I had to make some very unsavory decisions on what to add and what keep on my computer only. Stupid thing. I guess I'm going for another big fuck off line of credit then because I am NOT living without my iPod while I'm riding the T. No sir.

They Never Start Working

I have a job. This job requires me to work Monday through Friday, from early in the morning until later in the evening. This job keeps me busy, and I need to be on the premises to get my work done. I need to be on premises because I don't have internet access in my home, so I can't try to accomplish anything from home. I've also been trying to keep up with my busy blogging schedule, and arrange some freelance work so I can keep Visa and Discover off my back. Therefore, I decided to get internet in my home. One wonderful neighbor of mine has a wireless signal that is unlocked, but it's availability is sporadic and I need reliable access. Since I didn't want to pay Comcast's princely sum for cable internet, I decided to use Verizon DSL.

I ordered the service a couple of weeks ago, and the man who took my order told me that I'd get the modem in the mail, and when it was my service active date to just follow the instructions on the CD they'd send with the modem. After trying to upsell me everything from tech support to 300 digital cable channels to a coaster, I got off the phone with him. I was suspicious that perhaps my installation wouldn't be as easy as the man said, but figured it was a price I'd have to pay.

Of course, on Monday, my service active date, my installation went fine until the program on the CD attempted to check my DSL connection, which didn't work. I called Verizon, with my phone hiccuping even though I had all my bars, and after yelling at the voice menu, I finally spoke to a human. After being redirected to the Mac support team, they said there was nothing they could do, and they'd have to send a technician.

"When are they available?"

"Between 8am and 5pm."

"Well, I'm at work then."

"I'm sorry, m'am, but that's the only times."

I hate these companies. No one I know has ever sucessfully installed their broadband on the first try. Whether it's Comcast or Verizon, it's always a gigantic pain in the ass to get the internet into one's home. Why do they even bother with this self-install shit? Back in the olden days, people would come out to your home to set things up for you. I don't think it's anything I've done, either. The guy I spoke to on Monday said it sounded like the DSL hadn't been activated on the phone company's side. Even after I got a phone call yesterday saying it had been activated, it's still not working. So I got to call Ed, who sounded like he came from Toronto by way of Bombay, who couldn't understand what I was telling him and I couldn't understand what the hell he was telling me, and now I am sitting here, waiting for the techician who I'm not even sure will show up, missing work for what may only be the first time of many. I'm tempted to send this shit back to Verizon and find my neighbor with the already-established internet connection and pay her $10 a month for use of her signal. I just don't understand why Verizon can't send a techician to everyone's home to install these things. For a trained professional, it would probably take about fifteen minutes to take the modem out, set it up, figure out what is wrong, fix it, and get it working. Instead, I feel stupid because I can't set the thing up, and the phone support people are only marginally more useful than the monotone voices on the CD.

Just to make sure I'm good and frustrated, I'm going to try to set up an appointment with my doctor for a physical. That should be awesome.

You Are Coming to a Sad Realization, Deny or Allow?

I need a new computer. Desperately.

It's been coming to my attention slowly. I got my precious iBook in 2001, during a "carpe diem" fit of spending after 9/11. I fell in love with it immediately. I loved iTunes even before the iPod. I loved how quickly it downloaded music. I loved OS X. Aside from a battery issue early in its life, it's been very good to me.

Over the past few years, however, it's become apparent my baby can't keep up with my ever-growing computing needs. After a near-death experience with my hard drive, I've had it on suicide watch. The battery barely holds a charge anymore. Blogger is a bitch on Safari, but Firefox hates my slow computer. If I try to run Safari, iTunes, and LimeWire simultaneously, the swirling beach ball shows up and my computer crashes. On Friday, I was downloading music while watching TV with my brother. I updated iTunes as well, and when I plugged my iPod in again, I was greeted with a message informing me that my USB outlets are too slow, thus making updating my iPod with my computer like trying to shove a watermelon through a thimble. Great.

My digital camera is also problematic on my laptop. When I try to upload the pictures to Photobucket, it never works because my computer can't process the data fast enough. I even lowered the resolution on my beautiful 7-megapixel camera to help it along. No luck. Even the 2 megs don't load. What fun is a digital camera if I can't upload the pictures of my drunk friends to pester them on MySpace?

So this is what I want. A new baby to love and cuddle. One with fast USB ports, a fast processor, a cool new magnetic power cable, and everything I need. Say hello to the object of my desire:


Look! I'd be smarter and faster! And I'd have a cute baby in a pirate hat! Or something. But look how hot that thing is. I'd stick with the classic white, of course. But the screen is bigger. It's faster. Drunk uploads ahoy! I need that bad boy.

For now, I'm hanging on to my money to pay my Visa bill off and move myself into a new place. But if my beloved compy dies, I'm going to have to sack up and get a loan for some of the cost of a new laptop. My friend Jen also had this problem with her Mac laptop, but she compromised and bought a new desktop, which is about $300 less than the Mac Book. She uses her slow-ass laptop for sitting in front of the TV and web surfing, which is one of my primary leisure activities. So that is feasible as well.

If anybody has any connections at Apple, give me a yell. Hell, I'd even be interested in a less inefficient older laptop if the price were right. Or the fine folks at Apple can give me a freebie and I will make this blog-template Apple-happy so fast my readership won't know what hit them.

New York, New York

I’m surprised that somebody in New York came up with this first. It sounds like something that’s right up Mayor Menino’s alley:

Kruger says he will introduce legislation on Wednesday to ban the use of gadgets such as Blackberry devices and video games while crossing the street.

"Government has an obligation to protect its citizenry," Kruger said in a telephone interview from Albany, the state capital. "This electronic gadgetry is reaching the point where it's becoming not only endemic but it's creating an atmosphere where we have a major public safety crisis at hand."

Here’s the thing. If you’re so stupid that you stroll out in front of traffic because you’re fiddling with the volume on your iPod, you probably should be removed from the gene pool. I view it as the government protecting me by not passing this legislation because I could someday have to deal with one of these idiots operating a motor vehicle in my vicinity or operating on me and the stupid, unobservant fuck could end up hurting me.

I also enjoy this bit of editorializing on the part of the Reuters intern who wrote this piece:

Tech-consuming New Yorkers trudge to work on sidewalks and subways like an army of drones, appearing to talk to themselves on wireless devices or swaying to seemingly silent tunes.

For fuck’s sake. If my options are listening to the dulcet tones of Jay-Z or listening to some college sophomore’s tales of inebriation, I’m going to get my drone on. I think if I had to navigate the T without my iPod I would probably be in jail within a week. I need the iPod to drone out the Borg headset yammerers.

&^%%#$

Son of a bitch. Now I find out that Haloscan's comments on old posts don't show, and instead I get Blogger's comment template. I HATE THE INTERNET.

Dear Haloscan,

What the fuck?

Regards,
Amy

Sweet Jeebus

FINALLY, after using my downright horrid HTML skills (no z, that's how bad they suck) I figured out how to get Haloscan to load in Blogger Beta. This guy, in conjunction with someone on Haloscan's forum, figured out how to do it. It's tricky, but it works.

Bear with me. I'll get everything up and running again ASAP. Thanks!

new

Oooo. Blogger beta. Hi!

Does anybody know of an easy way to back up an entire blog? I should do that, probably, or else I will toss myself off the Zakim if I lose two years of articulate bitching.

Also, this site is under construction. Please excuse all wonkiness and the deletion of your links. I hope they shall return by the end of the day.