The Lesser of Evils

Yesterday at lunch, I read an article in the Globe about conservative activist Brian Camenker and his mission to prove that Mitt Romney is not the conservative that he fancies himself, but is in fact the dreaded "flip-flopper." I've talked about Brian Camenker here before in less than flattering terms because his politics and mine certainly don't match up. Frankly, I think Brian Camenker is a bigot, as his record of bullying Macy's into removing a gay pride week display from their Downtown Crossing store last year, his petition to stop domestic partnership benefits, and his very questionable attempt to sit in on a gay rights celebration at Newton North High School illustrate. I'm sure lots of people agree with the guy, but I think he's a bigot with too much time on his hands. A coworker of mine came in while I was reading the article and told me that a friend of his had debated Camenker once on a radio program.

"About halfway through the debate, my friend realized that he was dealing with a person who would never listen to another person, ever, and that he was just talking at someone, not with someone."

But, as the article states, Brian Camenker hates Mitt Romney. Granted, he hates Mitt Romney for the exact opposite reasons that I do. I think Mitt Romney is a conservative moron. Mr. Camenker believes Mitt Romney isn't conservative enough a moron and wrote a report called "The Mitt Romney Deception" detailing Romney's previous close and cuddly relationship with gay rights activists and pro-choice groups in his now notorious Senate bid.

This leaves me with a very unsavory feeling. I disagree with Camenker's politics in just about every conceivable way, but I love that he's caused Mitt Romney to flip his coiffed lid about some jackoff with good research skills and a typewriter. I'm not the only one, either.

"I love it," said Marc Solomon, campaign director for the gay rights group MassEquality. "It's sort of ironic, but I think that in this case, Brian Camenker actually has a point, and I think that's the first time I've ever said that. He is highlighting Romney's just total political expediency on issues related to gays and lesbians."

I really dislike the term "flip-flop" because it makes light of the fact that people can change their views over time. But it's one thing to wish gay couples a happy gay pride week in one decade, and then cut funding to many gay rights groups in the next. It's like Mitt Romney was visited by three spirits that gay pride weekend to show him that if he continued down his liberal path he'd end up dead with people stealing his Aqua Net while cackling about what a liberal he was and he woke up determined to be as strict on individual liberty as possible. If it takes a bigot like Brian Camenker to bring Mitt down a few pegs, I guess I'll have to take it. The enemy of my enemy is my friend, I suppose, but I'm not going to buy him a beer or anything.

Doucheblog

The internet is the cesspool of the modern world. For every useful website, for every awesome blog like the ones on my sidebar, for every Amazon.com shopping cart full of cheap stuff, there is a child molester, a credit-card scammer, and a political blog.

I don't mean a political blog like mine, which I've been told is political but I don't know how political my hatred of leggings is. I mean one run by an actual politician's handlers, with "content" actually generated by the "candidate." From MySpace profiles with Hilary Clinton to Howard Dean's famous 2004 grassroots action, politicians are encroaching on what was once only a den of hipsters and perverts. And me.

I'm pretty sure I've discussed Mitt Romney's MySpace page before. However, KCee just alerted me to Five Brothers, which is Mitt Romney's progeny's home on the web. (Why they didn't name it Mitt Romney's Progeny is beyond me.) The Romneys, Mitt and Ann, and their boys Ben, Craig, Josh, Matt, and "Tagg" (I use air quotes because COME ON) write about their media appearances, Mitt's values-based campaign, and how tall they are. No. I'm not kidding.

OK, I admit that Matt and I are actually each 1/4" short of 6', but we've always felt better about rounding to the nearest inch. We don't know why the other 3 brothers got all the height, and we are definitely bitter about it.

Well, thanks, "Tagg." I'd be pissed if I weren't quite 6' and my name was Tagg Romney too.

Here's Ann Romney's attempt at a MySpace picture.


Mitt Romney also forces his children to hide their location from him.

As a high school and college student, my Dad developed a reputation for being a great practical joker. His sons have all heard the stories now dozens of times. Believe me, you don't want to get him started.

I had heard the stories so many times of funny things he did to relatives on their wedding days that I went to great lengths to conceal the location of our hotel reservations on our honeymoon. I actually made reservations at 2 separate hotels and left a confirmation letter I received from the second hotel somewhere I knew he'd find it. My wife thought I was crazy, but if you had heard the stories, believe me, you would have done the same thing.

Can you imagine if you were gay, young Tagg? First of all, your first name would be especially cruel given some of the potential rhymes. Also, you'd be trying to hide your legally acquired marriage license from your anti-gay father. "No, Dad, I married 'Roberta!' See? Here's the certificate! No, the 'a' isn't in my handwriting!"

You go to Mitt Romney's Progeny for the height/weight stats, and stay for the unbiased political commentary, replete with an Apprentice-level of sports metaphors.

Wow. Dad was awesome tonight. I know that I'm biased, but, come on, that was a clear win. He looked presidential, articulated a clear vision, and was able to showcase his strength and his grasp of the issues. He was himself and it came through.

In my opinion, it was a lot like the fundraising efforts of the first quarter. Some of the other candidates did a respectable job, but Mitt Romney brought an A game and knocked it out of the park. It's clear to me who the Republicans should want on the stage to debate Hillary or Obama if we want to win.

I really hate this "he looks presidential" argument. First of all, they all look presidential compared with the bumbling fool who currently occupies the office. Secondly, Hilary Clinton doesn't have a dick, and that's had a lot to do with "looking presidential" as well. I can see why we're on a looking presidential kick after the failed "he's an everyman!" experiment, but let's get someone who has an actual thought rattling around inside his or her head this time around. Mitt Romney doesn't follow his head, or even his little stone heart. He follows what he thinks will get him the most votes. Look at his record. He's vacillated so wildly in his opinions from election to election. It's clear that he's banking on looking and speaking smooth. And we've seen where that gets us.

I see why politicians use blogs and MySpace and all the "social computing" that businesses have yet to figure out. It's like kissing babies of people who don't yet have babies. It puts a politician on a human level and makes them relateable to the coveted and unpredictable younger voter. However, it also smacks of opportunism, which is what it really is. Instead of campaigning on ideas, Mitt, and, to be fair, the other candidates, hope to pick up votes by simply being themselves. It also allows someone else, namely Mitt's children, to do his relating for him. I mean, Chelsea Clinton doesn't have a blog extolling her mother's virtues.

So add Mitt Romney's waste into the cesspool of the internet. Try to stay on the other side of the bowl, folks.

Once, There Was This Boy Who...

Okay so. I hate Mitt Romney. (This may be unexpected. Please sit down until the shock subsides.) This is not to say he's a deplorable human being on a personal level, though given his backwards policies toward women and homosexual couples I'd say he's not exactly an open-minded guy I'd like to drink with. I also don't wish the man any physical harm, mainly because I saw this episode of Law and Order last night where this girl who said she wanted to kill her mother on a dollar-store version of MySpace and had some psychopath do her dirty work got put away for twenty-five years and I'm not going to jail if Mitt Romney gets hurt. If, however, Mitt Romney grows a cooter as has to navigate puberty, well, yeah, I'm going to the pokey.

(Calm down. I don't wish actual harm on any politician. Step away from the email link.)

Aaanyway. It turns out Mitt Romney and Matt Lauer have been setting a bad example for our nation by not buckling up, and I want you all to know I'm not making a Romney hair as helmet joke nor a comment about how I wish he'd crash after the quote.

After challenging New Jersey Gov. Jon S. Corzine for not wearing a seat belt, "Today" show co-host Matt Lauer apologized Wednesday for an interview with Republican presidential contender Mitt Romney in which neither man wore a seat belt while driving through New Hampshire. . . .
Romney apologized for not wearing a seat belt, saying in a statement: "Sometimes I forget to wear my seat belt. For my own safety, I need to keep reminding myself to buckle up."

Who doesn't buckle their safety belts in 2007? I know that both Romney and Lauer aren't as young as I am, but I'm relatively sure I spent most of my childhood convinced that a car wouldn't start if not every passenger was wearing his seatbelt. My mother actually sang PSA jingles to my brother and I to remind us to buckle our seatbelts. Did they not watch TV when the crash test dummies were in their heydey? (No, not those Crash Test Dummies.) (Extra points to those who figured out that I really just wanted to link to that video. How the hell did that song get so popular anyway? It doesn't make any sense. But it's still awesome.)

I don't give two shits if George Bush, Mitt Romney, Matt Lauer, Jon Corzine, or anyone who is a grown adult doesn't wear their seatbelt. That's their own stupidity on display for everyone by not wearing a safety device that could easily save their lives. I'm sure as hell going to be wearing my seatbelt, so if I collide with one of these stupid people my odds of making it out relatively unscathed are pretty good. This should not be "news" on Boston.com's home page for an entire evening. If we're so stupid as a country to not want to vote for a man because he didn't click it, well, we get what we deserve, don't we?

Please, America, don't be that stupid. Keep in mind the myriad of other reasons note to vote for Mitt Romney.

It's Hard Out Here for a Mormon

Mitt Romney has had a crappy week. Early this week, his campaign forgot to empty their recycle bins and a PowerPoint presentation outlining his whole campaign plan was widely reported on. As the kids say, "Whoopsie."

As the Globe reported:

The plan, for instance, indicates that Romney will define himself in part by focusing on and highlighting enemies and adversaries, such common political targets as "jihadism," the "Washington establishment," and taxes, but also Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, "European-style socialism," and, specifically, France.

Something about that last bit just makes me giggle. What has France done to Mitt Romney that he just can't abide it? Do the French harbor al-Qaeda in barrels of wine? Is Mitt lactose-intolerant and can't bear to think of all the excellent formage he's missing out on at the hands of the fey French? Perhaps Mitt is a fan of the Muppets and hates the idea of Kermit's legs being snapped off for food. I mean, Jaques Chirac is perhaps the most fun name in politics to say aside from Tommy Thompson. I don't see what's wrong with France.

Today it's being reported that students at Regent College don't want Romney to speak at their school since his Mormonism clashes with the evangelical Christian background of the school. Now I wouldn't want Mitt Romney to speak at my commencement either, but that's because he's near the top of my political fecal roster. I don't see what the big whoop about his religious background is, but that's because I don't see what the big whoop about anybody's religious background is. If Romney's going to fail, which I think he will, I want him to fail on his own demerits and conspicuous political opportunism and not because his great-grandfather had two wives.

Mitt Romney Doesn't Care About Gay Youth

So much so that he's fine with threatening to cut the program that William Weld founded in 1992 to keep gay and transgendered kids from suffering harassment and preventing them from committing suicide.

Angered that his name appeared on a press release touting a gay pride parade, Governor Mitt Romney moved yesterday to curtail the activities of a 14-year-old advisory commission on gay and lesbian youth.

...The commission was created by Governor William Weld in 1992 to help gay and lesbian youths in school, where they face increased risk of victimization, harassment, and discrimination. The commission's work focuses primarily on violence and suicide prevention. A youth committee also organizes an annual youth pride parade. The 12th annual parade will take place tomorrow.

...The commission pays to train administrators, teachers, and student leaders to create a safe environment for gay and lesbian students. It supports community drop-in centers, and works with the Department of Education to train teachers to comply with antidiscrimination laws, she said.

Just, wow. When I let my guard down and think, hey, maybe Mitt Romney has the capability to feel for people who have different lifestyles than him, he pulls something so audacious and cruel that it actually physically sickens me. This is a programs that helps kids feel like suicide is not the only way out for them. This is a program that keeps gay kids from having the shit kicked out of them at school. I don't care what your political beliefs are, you don't disband an agency that keeps kids safe. Can you imagine if a kid got pummeled for being openly religious at school? Mitt would have every agency in the state on that case. But the queers? Fuck them.

Conservative activists apparently showed Mitt images that "physically sickened" him, thus making him upset that the parade would happen with his blessing.

Conservative activist Brian Camenker said he met with Romney aides last week, showing them photos from last year's parade, and urged them to abolish the panel.

''Last year [at the parade] they had boys in fishnet stockings and high heels parading down Boylston Street," Camenker said. ''They had boys dressed as women embracing. We presented stuff, and they were visibly sickened by what they saw. I said, basically, this group has to go. It's so manifestly destructive to kids that you have to get rid of it. They said they'd do something."

Oh my God! The queers! They're ruining Boston! Men dressed as women?! Horrific! Listen, Mr. Camenker, here is a news flash: men dress as women. Sometimes, it's used for comedy. Other times, it's how someone identifies themselves. It's not like people become transgender or gay for fun. The hatred of homosexuals and transgendered people in this country is open and nasty, and people just don't say, "Hey, being gay and wondering on a daily basis if I'm going to be beaten to death sounds great! Sign me up!" Just this week, a study showed that lesbian's brains respond like men's brains, thus lending more credence to the theory that homosexuality has a physiological basis.

People are gay and transgendered. End of story. This group strives to make them feel accepted at best, and at least keeps the open hostility and harassment at bay. Having a parade, once a year, that the state does not fund, that gives gay kids a time to hang out with each other and feel accepted is good. It's one thing if you don't want your name attached to it, Mitt. It's completely another to overreact and threaten to shut the commission down, ending the good work they do in schools to prevent harassment.

Shocker: Mitt Romney Wants to Be President

I'm happy to see that former governor Mitt Romney has gotten smart. Instead of using his own money to further his political career, he's collecting funds from like-minded conservatives through his Free and Strong America PAC. Ostensibly, he's supposed to be using this money for Republican candidates around the country. But the Globe reports Romney is spending most of the money to position himself for a possible run in 2012.

The former Massachusetts governor has raised $2.1 million for his Free and Strong America political action committee. But only 12 percent of the money has been spent distributing checks to Romney's fellow Republicans around the country.

Although the broadsheet paints some of Romney's mailings as misleading, anybody who donated to the cause because their funds would go to some tight state senate race in Idaho is a bigger ditz than Sarah Palin. Donors like Romney's politics (or his hair) and they want to advance his cause in any way they can.

If a few bucks land in Saxby Chambliss' lap, great. But, really, contributors want to see Romney sashaying around, carrying the conservative torch until the next presidential election cycle begins.

Flip-Flop

Did you hear that sound coming from Beacon Hill? It's the distinctive sound of Mitt Romney flip-flopping in a serious way about gay rights, which is brought into cold fact with the Globe posting a PDF of Mitt's 1994 letter declaring that he'd do more for the gay and lesbian community than Ted Kennedy. Behold!

Good God, man, use an apostrophe where it's needed. "I am not unaware of my opponents considerable record in the area of civil rights..." Aiiiieee. "We must make equality for gays and lesbians a mainstream concern..." Which I guess Mitt has done, although he's doing it in a rather unorthodox manner. By cutting funding to youth groups that help gay teens cope with taunting and feelings of worthlessness, by repeatedly using gay marriage as a red herring to distract the Commonwealth from his heartless budget cuts (Are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses?) and absentee governing he has made the issue of gay rights a very mainstream concern in Massachusetts.

I'm just stating this for the record. The 2008 presidential season is coming up and I want this to come up when people Google Mitt Romney. To steal a phrase from Stealth, Mitt Romney is not your friend.

Mitt Does it Twice

In one day, Mitt Romney has managed to infuriate me both with his lack of understanding of human nature, and now with his inflated sense of his own worth.

Gov. Mitt Romney said Wednesday he will remain "as relevant as always" during his final year in office, and may be able to achieve more legislative goals because his decision not to seek re-election in 2006 will remove politics from the deliberations.
The Republican chief executive also said he does not expect to make a decision about running for president until 2007, though he plans to continue laying the groundwork for a potential run by speaking in early voting states and raising money across the country.
"It's a long way off," Romney told The Associated Press during a year-end interview in his Statehouse office as a fire crackled and the smell of smoke wafted through the room.

You pretentious ass. I usually make it a point to not wish ill on other people, but in your case I'm making an exception. I sincerely hope your gay sexcapades are revealed, thus leaving you politically ineffective for the rest of your life. I hope several love-children from your Mormon concubines come forward, demanding alimony. I hope that you somehow grow a vagina, you lose all knowledge you have about sex and contraception, you're overwhelmed with hormones and have to navigate your second puberty in fear and sexual ignorance, you hateful, snobbish fuck. If I thought it would work, I would seduce you and immediately come forward and run you out of political office before the 2006 elections. I would debase myself so, just so this state wouldn't be run like a backwater hole in the South, which is what you envision for it. "As relevant as always." You're as relevant as an Atari video game system-- good for kitch, not good for actual use.
Mitt wraps up his lovely fireside chat with the AP with this gem:

[Mitt] added: "I will have an agenda. It will be clear. And it will have less political overtones because I'm not running for re-election. Things won't be the same, but they won't necessarily be worse."

Can it get much worse? Nothing is gets done because you pick fights about social issues that the largely Democratic and very liberal state legislators won't fly with. Our school test scores are slipping, and crime is up. Our roads are in disrepair. Pick the battles you can win in the next year and shut the hell up.

Feel the Rage, Part II

Yesterday, I walked our city streets. I always forget how nice it is to walk around Boston without a destination, just popping into stores or historical sites whenever you feel like it. I'm usually running from one place to another and it was nice to just meander, taking my time. My friends and I walked through City Hall Plaza and watched little kids manipulate one of the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade balloons around. We stopped in a cemetery we'd never been in. While looking at the old gravestones (the skulls and angel wings are totally going on my gravestone) we heard a din coming from the direction of the Common. I thought a skating event may have been going on until I realized it was Mitt Romney's publicity stunt, er, protest of the legislature refusing to vote on allowing the right of gay people to marry going on the ballot. Relishing the idea of heckling Romney in person appealed to me, so we walked to the State House.

Chills went up my spine as I rounded the corner and walked through the crowd. We were close to the police line that separated the voting supporters from the gay rights supporters. We'd missed Mitt Romney's speech, unfortunately, but whoever was speaking was being roundly booed by the gay marriage supporters.

Yeah, it was like that.

He's totally using this image in his presidential campaign. "This flag is not for gay people! I'm relatively sure none of the people behind me has inappropriately emailed young boys! God Bless America!"

I could see Mitt from where we stood, about a football field and a half away from the gubernatorial coif. Despite the fact he probably couldn't see me, I pulled one of these:

Just to let him know I was thinking of him.

Whatever pretentious blowhard was speaking wrapped it up, and then a singer came up and started warbling the "Battle Hymn of the Republic." No, I'm not kidding. The gay rights supporters roundly booed the proceedings, shouting "Shame!" and "You lost, go home."

I understand that not everyone is comfortable with homosexuality. My mom, who is fairly socially liberal is against gay marriage, which surprises me. The debate over gay marriage in the eyes of the state is infuriating, and I have yet to hear an argument that rings true on why gay people should not have the same right to a marriage certificate as a straight couple. Being gay is not a defect. A gay couple doesn't contribute less to society. Gay people aren't worse parents than the average straight couple. We're talking about civic marriage, which has nothing to do with any religion. It's a piece of paper that allows benefits to be shared and ease of transition if something should happen to one or both people in the relationship. A marriage certificate is a legal document, nothing more.

Specific to this fight, I cannot understand why any responsible legislature would allow the many to vote on the rights of the few. It is the government's place to protect the rights of minorities, and keeping the rights of minorities away from the grubby hands of the majority. If you don't like how the legislature works, you vote for someone who shares your views and the legislature amends the constitution.

Frenching Mitt Romney

Conservatives. Lay the fuck off France, will you? Guess who the newest Francophobe is? Joining the illustrious ranks of Bill O'Reilly and Bob Ney is Massachusetts' own intolerant jackoff governor Mitt Romney, who today said if Massachusetts doesn't watch itself, it will end up "the France of the 21st century."
Let's put this in some context:

The Republican chief executive told a gathering of school leaders on Tuesday that while Massachusetts placed first nationally in a series of recent math and science tests, the United States itself ranks 25th out of 41 industrialized nations in math performance.
At the same time, the country is awarding roughly 4,500 doctorates in math and science each year, compared with about 24,000 per year in Asia.
"We cannot continue to have an excellence gap with the rest of the world and intend to remain the economic superpower and military superpower of the planet. That's just not going to happen," Romney said. "We're in a position where unless we take action, we'll end up being the France of the 21st century: A lot of talk, but not a lot of strength behind it in terms of economic capability."

Good idea, Mitt. But poor execution. You've had a rough week of it, what with laughing at a joke that invoked the Ku Klux Klan and now insulting French people. Yes, America is falling behind because we're the smart kid who's resting on his laurels; and with outsourcing we're giving other, poorer countries a taste of the good life, and they're willing to work to get ahead. I'm all for education. And since I'm all for education and have been educated, I know that France is a place where lots of education happens. You know. The Renaissance? Monet? Camus? Voltaire? The fact that most people in the twentieth century looked to France as a leader in thought?
One day, France shall rise up again. Probably under the leadership of a short guy. But France has nothing to do with American education. Not even in a very stretched out analogy to the French's penchant to talk about things before they act. Way to convince us you're not trying to run for President.

Keeping the Poor Minorities from Doing it Well

Today has not been a good day for my nerves. First it was Johnny Damon being a tool (read the earlier entry detailing my rage). Then it was NPR's morning news. I was pulling my boots on when the local news began.

"In Massachusetts, Governor Mitt Romney is introducing a new abstinence-only education plan in Massachusetts public schools."

"What?" I hissed, probably scaring my roommate who thinks it's weird that I talk to myself.

"The program will target certain schools, primarily in black and Hispanic neighborhoods."

"What?!"

"The plan will teach abstinence, and not mention the use of condoms as a way to protect against sexually transmitted diseases."

"What the fuck?!" My boots were on, and had Mitt been nearby in my pre-coffee indignation, they would have ended up up his ass.

Buried in the news of Johnny's assholery, I found the article on boston.com. Check it:

The Romney administration plans to introduce a new abstinence education program in Massachusetts schools beginning next month, the state's most aggressive effort yet to use a controversial method of teaching Bay State teenagers about sex.
The campaign, scheduled to last through June 2007, will only target certain schools and will be aimed especially at teens in black and Hispanic communities, who tend to have higher rates of sexual activity. The proposal by the state Department of Health, quietly posted on its website earlier this month, would add an abstinence education program for 12-to-14-year-olds in an unspecified number of schools.
The campaign would be funded by a $50 million federal abstinence-only grant program, which provides money to states for initiatives that teach abstinence but deliberately do not address condoms and other methods of contraception.

Not in my state, Mitt. This is happening in Massachusetts now. The bluest state of them all is allowing the governor to set policy that will hurt kids. I'm not saying that abstinence shouldn't be encouraged-- kids who are twelve should not be having sex. But if they choose to, if they want to engage in risky behavior and will do so with or without an education, they need to know how to protect themselves and others. Not discussing sex doesn't make it go away-- it keeps it mysterious and bad, and makes it more appealing to a rebellious teenager. I hate the whole idea that some people have that teaching kids about contraception and condoms encourages sexual activity. We teach kids CPR and the Heimlich, right? But they don't go out and try to choke to try it out. As adults, we prepare children to handle the worst-case scenario. Most parents don't want their young teenagers having sex. But the kids need to know the facts. Condoms help prevent (note I didn't say "always prevent") the transmission of STDs. It's a fact. Condoms help prevent (note I didn't say "always prevent") young women from becoming pregnant. Not telling kids about condoms, or, worse yet, saying that condoms are ineffective, which is what some abstinence-only programs preach, makes teen pregnancy and STD transmission more prevalent.

This Massachusetts program is especially enraging because of the nice hint of racism that's involved. Only the poor minority kids are doing it? Please. I lived in a relatively affluent, white-bread area of Rhode Island and several of my young white classmates had kids. And we had proper sex ed with mention of birth control, condoms and other methods of contraception. You can scare most kids into keeping it in their pants by mentioning the gnarly diseases, showing them a child being born (still scarred TO THIS DAY), and other issues unsafe sex can bring up. Sweeping sex under the rug (heh) doesn't make it go away, Mitt. I know it may have worked with Mrs. Romney all these years, but not everyone shares your aversion to their bodies.

Baby, I Got Your Money

Now that Mitt Romney is no longer in our hair and we are no longer the liberal nits in his perfect coif, he is off to raise money for his futile bid to be America's next president. I am deeply sorry I missed watching Mitt leave more closely, but I was busy learning about meningitis in Rhode Island.

Sure, Mitt could go the normal route and host $500-a-plate dinners to come up with the $100,000,000 he thinks he needs to be a "serious contender" for the presidency. But since Mitt has proven himself an unconventional governor who loves poking fun at us Massholes, I'd like to give him some ideas that will hearken back to his time in Massachusetts and amuse the conservatives he'd like to court.

In a step that would remind us all of Mitt's saving the Olympics in Salt Lake City and his "expert" handling of the Big Dig collapse, he could arrange an event where prominent athletes run through a scale model of the Big Dig tunnel and try to avoid the falling concrete chunks. The folks at Bechtel would certainly be gracious enough to pay out $1000 to watch the races and eat some cheap hors d'oeuvres while laughing at that little hiccup in the system. Of course, this "concrete" would be plaster so nobody would actually die. This time.

Mitt could also get into merchandising. I'm thinking of a Monopoly-like board game where the players' main goal is to limit the rights of homosexual couples as much as possible. "Archdioceses of Boston does not allow gay couples to adopt. Move forward three spaces." "Legislature refuses to allow question on the ballot to ban gay marriage. Skip a turn." "Legislature pussies out and makes progress in putting measure on ballot. Pass go, burn a rainbow flag, collect 200 political points from straight couple in Nebraska who can now sleep at night knowing their marriage is safe."

Mitt could also hearken back to his horrendous record of abstinence-only/-also/-just shut up and don't fuck until you're married sex-ed with a line of babywear available at all Wal-Mart stores. Imagine a onsie that reads "My Momma Didn't Know Condoms Prevent Pregnancy" or "My Mom Didn't Know She Had a Choice" and maternity shirts that read "I Took Sex-Ed and All I Got Was This Lousy Fetus." The right-to-life folks would love those.

Feel free to take any of these ideas and run with them, Mitt. I wish you only the best.

Counting Blessings

Since we haven't been talking about him recently, Mitt Romney has decided to reiterate his "controversial" opinions about stem cell research.

"“I believe it crosses a very bright moral line to take sperm and egg in the laboratory and start creating human life,"” said Romney, who is considering a 2008 presidential run. "It is Orwellian in its scope in that in laboratories you can have trays of new embryos being created.

"“It's almost like the movie the Matrix,"” said Romney, referring the 1999 science fiction film in which humans are used by machines for their energy.

Of course I still think he's being a short-sighted idiot for not exploring the possibility of all stem cells if it saves the people who are alive now, just because a sperm and an egg meet doesn't mean it becomes a child, yadda yadda. However, I think we should just be happy that Governor Romney managed to get through a whole event without using a racially charged term. It very easily could have gone like this:

"I believe that stem cell research has become a cultural tar baby," commented Governor Romney on Thursday. "I believe it is in our society's best interest to be niggardly with the embryonic stem cells as they have the possibility to create heterosexual human life. Scientists are waging a war of northern aggression upon the values the good people of South Carolina fight for. God bless the white, male or childbearing women and the heterosexuals. Good afternoon."

So, you know, small blessings.

But in other news, the remaining member of the Gas Can Twins gets the start for the Sox tonight. No. Seriously. I laugh so I do not weep.

I Want a Man By My Side, Not a Boy Who Runs and Hides

Two days, bitches!


I am not even going to front like I didn't nearly deafen myself with "Walk Away" on my way into work today. I forget that other people are on the street sometimes, and I sassily throw my head and sing along. If you've ever seen the video for "Walk Away" you know it's just a bunch of people singing along to the song in goofy ways. This is the only way to listen to this song.

Do you ever think back to the person you were in high school? Because the person I was in 1999 would probably want to kick the shit out of the person I am now in 2006. But that person was cranky and hated fun.

No time or mental capacity for an actual cohesive post. It's Friday, man. Let me off the hook a little.

Pete Bouchard was voted "Best Meterologist" in the Improper Bostionian. While the Improper Bostionian sucks nuts, I am glad they recognized the Pete excellence. I think they did most of their research on Pete Bouchard from this blog, since most of the tidbits they shared about Pete have been reported by me. But anyway, congratulations, Pete. It's well earned. Someplace, Todd Gross is planning a coup d'etat with his website.

The Red Sox hate me. Extra innings? Mark Loretta making errors? What the hell is all this?

It is going to be hotter than the surface of the sun this weekend. Time to put my air conditioner in the window after nearly two months of stalling. I am considering begging the woman I babysit for to allow me to take her children to the beach, despite the fact she doesn't want us to take an all-day excursion out of town with her husband on a business trip. "I will run them ragged! I will make them chase frisbees! They'll be asleep when we get back. PLEASE ALLOW ME TO DRIVE YOUR CAR TO THE BEACH!" I am also going to have to be drunk out of my mind on Sunday to tolerate the heat. Monday should be a hoot.

I don't really know who to put my faith in in regards to this whole tunnel flaw problem. I know Mitt Romney is gradually taking authority away from Matt Amorello, but yesterday Mitt Romney had returned to his vacation in New Hampshire with the assurance he would be "in constant contact." Okay. I'm just going to tell my boss that I'll be on Narragansett Town Beach, but I'll bring my phone with me and he can text me stuff that needs proofreading. Uh-huh. Totally the same thing. I still advocate that my grandmother would be a good candidate. She doesn't take shit from anybody, and she can stick to a budget.

I wish all of you a fantastic weekend filled with fun. Stay safe, and I'll see you on Monday, certainly with many tales to tell.

Mish Mash

It's not you guys, it's me. It's funny how starting two new jobs in as many months is both terribly exciting and leaves me catatonic on my couch by 10pm. But I'm still reading the news, still doing the whole young urban woman thing, and sweating my balls off. Metaphorically. So, I do the copout thing and give you my random thoughts.

Am I the only person who does not give two shits about the iPhone? This comes from a girl who geeks out over everything Apple puts out, but I just don't care to wait in the 90-odd degree heat to buy a $600 phone. You know who does? One Henry Breen of Cambridge.

"It’s a holy day of obligation," said Breen, a Cambridge resident. "And if you tell me you’re not going I just think you’re mad. End of discussion."

Dude. It's a phone. Yeah, it's cool and all, but maybe you should read a book or something. Go for a walk. Get a grip.

It sucks to be stuck inside your office in the middle of a city and read "it's a great day for the beach!" online. While not everyone loves the beach as much as I do, the idea of sitting in the glaring sun and playing in the waves sounds so nice. Instead I'm going to either sit in front of my box fan all night, trying to breathe as shallowly as possible or I'm going to crush a neighbor by trying to install my air conditioner by myself. All around Boston, women are wearing skimpy clothes out to bars to lure burly men back to their lairs, where they will whisper, "Hey, hottie. Wanna install my air conditioner? It's here in the closet."

Kelly Clarkson's new album isn't as good as I'd hoped. I don't hate it, mind you, but maybe Joan Anderman at the Globe was right in saying that perhaps Kelly should have listened to Clive Davis' advice. I still want to hang out with Kelly, despite all the haters.

The Globe's 27-part epic on Mitt Romney is going to kill me. Thank God they're putting it online, because I can't sit and read that much over coffee. I want to be up on His Mittness' past (now I know why he hates France-- France was a dick to him) but wading through his family tree, his business deals, and a few generations of Romney photographs is going to take some time. And Mylanta. I'd also like to say hello to Mitt's supporters, who like to leave comments (read "Once There Was This Boy..."-- Haloscan doesn't work on permalinks) on my Mitt posts months after the fact that attack me for things I did the exact opposite of. Thanks for stopping by, guys!

Oh, and, as always, Ann Coulter is a cunt.



I wish Elizabeth Edwards had been a little more forceful with that abhorrent little toothpick. Though the best way to deal with Ann Coulter is to not deal with Ann Coulter. She's a vampire-- she won't bother you if you don't invite her in. (No similes intended. I think Coulter is actually a vampire. Her tan is just to throw us off.)

What 1,000 Burning Suns of Hate Looks Like

But Mitt, isn't cloning wrong as well?

I hate Mitt Romney. It started out with a mild dislike, but with his absentee governing of Massachusetts and thinly veiled hatred of abortion has turned me into a ten-year-old boy who wants to leave flaming bags of poo on the doorsteps of people who've wronged me. And with the veto of the morning-after pill, Mitt had better keep hope I don't find a dog turd somewhere.
It does wrong me when I don't have the option to choose what to do with my own body. Luckily, I've never had a scare with pregnancy (knocks on all available wood surfaces) but if I did, I want the option to take the morning-after pill. I want to be able to walk to CVS, hair greasy, my stomach about to crawl out of my throat with nerves, and have a second chance to prevent a pregnancy. I am an adult woman. It's my choice whether or not I want to give birth because it is my body and my life.
In today's Globe, Mitt writes an editorial explaining the reasons for his choice. Interesting how he's made himself so available to the media recently. Also interesting that he wrote the editorial for the Globe and not the conservative Herald. This is totally for the unborn babies, and not to court conservatives in the Red States, y'all. I really like it when Mitt makes his feelings known-- when he testified against gay marriage in Washington a year ago, he basically called kids not raised by two parents of different genders damaged goods, which, technically speaking, I wasn't. Let's reveiw the plea to the dirty liberals who read the Globe, shall we?

YESTERDAY I vetoed a bill that the Legislature forwarded to my desk. Though described by its sponsors as a measure relating to contraception, there is more to it than that. The bill does not involve only the prevention of conception: The drug it authorizes would also terminate life after conception.
...I have spoken with medical professionals to determine whether the drug contemplated under the bill would simply prevent conception or whether it would also terminate a living embryo after conception. Once it became clear that the latter was the case, my decision was straightforward.

Okay. I've tried to do some research on this argument, and the information comes from either Britain where the EC pill has been available for years, or from pro-life groups who veil themselves with neutral names but state that the cells may be dividing into a blastocyst-- the start of a baby. It is NOT yet a life, or a human. It's cells. Some people believe that's a baby, but cells are not a baby. A baby poops and cries and breathes. Cells divide. Cells can be lost, through either natural or artificial means. If the embryo does not attach to the uterus, it can't live. It is not a chemical abortion-- it prevents the cells from attaching to the uterus, so the cells stop dividing.

For all the conflicting views on this issue, it speaks well of our country that we recognize abortion as a problem. The law may call it a right, but no one ever called it a good, and, in the quiet of conscience people of both political parties know that more than a million abortions a year cannot be squared with the good heart of America.

Doesn't matter. It's between a woman, her doctor, her lover/boyfriend/whatevers, her God (or lack thereof). It is a very personal, private issue for a woman to decide. For me, I think it would be an easy choice. I can't give a kid a good life right now-- I'm broke, the bank's calling me at work to demand money, I don't own anything other than a big-kid bed and some shoes-- so I'd have to do something. Would I feel bad about it? Probably. I love kids, and someday I want to have a kid with the nose that's been handed down through generations on my father's side. But it's my body that would have to carry a baby, my wallet that would empty if I gave birth. It wouldn't matter what America's heart, good or otherwise, says. A good heart won't feed a family, Mitt.

Many women considering abortions face terrible pressures, hurts, and fears; we should come to their aid with all the resourcefulness and empathy we can offer. At the same time, the starting point should be the innocence and vulnerability of the child waiting to be born.

What? What about the person who is alive and actually has feelings? You know, the woman who is scared to death of what the cells in her womb are going to do to her? I completely don't understand why conservatives feel the need to protect the unborn while making women have kids they don't want, and cutting the programs that would help women raise their kids well.
And, here's the kicker:

I have also observed the bitterness and fierce anger that still linger 32 years after Roe v. Wade. The majority in the US Supreme Court's Casey opinion assured us this would pass away as Americans learned to live with abortion on demand. But this has proved a false hope.

THAT'S BECAUSE CONSERVATIVES WON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT. God! When you create a hostile environment where people kill doctors who perform abortions, when you sneak your prolife propaganda into sex ed classes, when you veto legislation that will pass anyway because your pro-choice, gay-ass, second-rate state that you hate to govern wants scared women to have another chance before a far more frightening trip to Planned Parenthood and you sit down with every reporter-- who you know wants to fuck you because you're the hottest conservative, even hotter than GW Bush!-- to make as much of a national stink about abortion as possible for one self-promoting bastard, of course there is going to be bitterness and anger. You've ruined my morning coffee, asshole. I'm pissed! Didn't you read The Cider House Rules? Without proper doctors with training, women like me who want control of their bodies will be in back-alley establishments getting unsafe abortions, ending up in the hospital when they're botched, the state will end up paying the medical bills of the uninsured, and the women you've encouraged to give birth will end up losing programs that help them to pay for the botched abortions of other women. It's not yours to decide, Mitt. The choices should be available and, like the states whose rights you so diligently defend, the independent entities known as women can decide for themselves without the interference of a larger power.
I'd like to leave you with a quote from Margaret Sanger.

"No woman can call herself free who does not own and control her body. No woman can call herself free until she can choose consciously whether she will or will not be a mother."

State of the ::yawn::

It's Mitt Romney's last state of the state speech today, which is being met with much hullabaloo since it is his last. I don't get why people are so worked up about it. There's no red carpet, no Eva Longoria (although if she'd been invited, I'm sure her hype-loving teeny-tiny ass would have been there), no nothing to get excited about. I mean, unless Ted Kennedy stumbles in and makes an off-color remark about Mormons, I don't see the point of caring. I'm sure Mitt doesn't.

"Dear Fellow $4,000 a Plate Republican Party Members... oops, that was last night's speech. Sorry, folks. I know I've got the right one here," Mitt will say, rifling through a stack of papers all printed on fancy resumé paper.

"Ah yes," he says, pulling out a sheet. "My fellow Massholes... well, actually, I only keep a summer home here for when I get bored of my home in Utah, or have to actually show my face at the State House, so I'm technically not one of you.

"Anyway, our state is in pretty good shape, or that's what my advisors tell me. Fuck if I know, I hate this place. Most of you have jobs, your kids are being educated as best we can comfortably afford at this time, your old people have Medicare drugs sometimes, and only one city is on the verge of bankruptcy. So that ain't bad, right?

"For the rest of my term in Massachusetts, I plan to be out of state eighty percent of the time, leaving Kerry Healy in charge since she wants to be governor of this hellhole so damn badly. I willpseudoo-campaign for the Republican nomination for President, spending piles of my own money to narcisstically promote myself. I will use your liberal state as an example ofSodomm, highlighting my racist, sexist plans to try my best to curtail your liberties, since like all the red states like to hear about that stuff. I will utter the phrase 'activist judges' about 700,000 times for any camera that will film me. I will be a regular pundit on the Fox News Channel. And you little peons will whine and complain, but, quite frankly, I don't give a crap about you or your little liberal enclave up here. Just keep sending the rest of the country seafood, bugger each other like Brokeback Mountain on a boat, and leave the rest of this God-fearing country alone.

"Thank you, and goodnight. Assholes."

Called It!

Ten months ago to the day, I wrote this post. In it, I placed this image of Mitt Romney:


With the following prediction:

He's totally using this image in his presidential campaign.

Lo and behold:

Bundled up against the chill winds of liberal Massachusetts, Mitt stood tall.

Friday Answers to Questions

Happy Friday, everyone. I hope your tailbones are all in tact after two days of commuting to work by opening your coat and sailing across the ice. I'm hopeful that Saturday will lead to some thawing because I don't think I can handle watching people run across glare ice to catch the T to work for another week. It's nerve-wracking. I guess the T is hoping some cracked-open skulls will melt the ice more effectively than hiring someone to clear platforms properly.

I know Mitt Romney announced his candidacy for president this week, but it's not like we didn't know it was coming. Whatever. He didn't announce his intentions here in Massachusetts, which is fine with me. I don't understand why his campaign HQ is in the North End when he's much more popular in the midwest. Does Mitt really like lasagna? He seems like more of a Swedish meatballs kind of guy to me. With buttered noodles. No sauce.

I am unnaturally excited to see Music and Lyrics tonight. It's like an overdose of cuteness with both Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore in one movie. They could put Hugh Grant in a movie where he just read the boxes of various cold cereals with an occasional "blimey" or stutter thrown in and I'd pay $10.50 to see it. Yes, I know I'm falling prey to a moneymaking machine and killing my brain. Whatever. Hugh Grant is so DREAMY.

One of the things I really enjoy about my blog is StatCounter. This handy little device tells me where my readers are, where they came from, and how many hits I get. The most fascinating aspect of this is the "keyword analysis" tab, which shows me what people Google to land on my little corner of the internet. Some of the items are downright nasty (involving wax and cooters, mainly), but most of my random hits come from some very specific terms. To make it easier on everyone, I'll just answer your questions now.

1. I don't know the truth behind any rumors about Maria Stephanos, including whether she's had a boob job or where she gets her clothes. Yes, I guess she's attractive. But I don't know the details of her life, her physique, or her anything for that matter.
2. I don't know who the people are in the new Rembrandt commercial. I was too busy imagining the eight-year-old detailing to a shrink in twenty years how her babysitter exposed her to a heavy make-out session. "And he pulled on her lip! It was frightening to me! I thought he was hurting her! I USED TO LIKE TOOTHPASTE ADS!" I think one of the entertainment shows like Access Hollywood or Extra had a piece on the "actors" in the commercial earlier this week. Check there. I believe they're Italian or Spanish.
3. Chikage Windler left Channel 7 in Boston in September of 2006. She's in Minnesota. See? She had bad hair, though she was lovely otherwise.
4. Todd Gross was fired from Channel 7 in Boston in a rather abrupt fashion, as rumor has it. He still broadcasts the weather on his website and has endorsed hummus. No, I'm not kidding. I will bet you $100 American dollars that Todd Gross' ringtone is "White and Nerdy."

No, my ringtone is not "White and Nerdy." It's currently "Any Way You Want It" by Journey.

Enjoy your weekend, folks. Resist the urge to buy cars this weekend, and instead have elaborate fantasies about what a President with an actual brain could do for us.

Workin' 9 to 10...

Ahh, Friday. Hello Friday, my old friend. A blogger's favorite day. We can write all sorts of unrelated nonsense and nobody really minds. Friday is the day when the beer flows, I know I can sleep in and treat myself to a breakfast of frozen waffles and hard-boiled eggs rolled in salt on a great Saturday morning. (Shut up, it's delicious.)

However, this week I must reign my Friday revels in as I'm going to my friend's work Christmas party. The Workplace Christmas Party is always a tough row for this ho. It's all the glory of open bar without any of the license to act a fool. I have no problem with the social aspect of the workplace party-- I'm convinced the only reason they keep me around my company is because I'm generally good for a laugh-- but it's a fine line between "funny and maybe buzzed" and "falling down the stairs and spilling wine on Kristen and Arthur." (Sorry.) I'm excited for my friend's party-- we get dinner as well as drinks. I also plan to "network" (read: find a date). This is also good practice for my own Workplace Christmas Party next week.

In related news, I went to both Filene's Basement and H&M in Back Bay last night looking for a cute party frock. Really, I shouldn't be buying anything since I have a wedding I need to prepare for at the end of the month and very limited funds, but I figured if I saw something cute I could use it tonight, for my work party, and for the rehearsal dinner for my friend's wedding.
Sweet God, H&M, get it together. Taffeta everywhere. Polka-dotted taffeta dresses. Everywhere. Like, Cyndi Lauper would have thought these abortions "totally rad" in 1983. If it wasn't taffeta, it was some Twiggy-esque mod minidress with pearl trim, which was much too casual, and not in a good holiday color (bright blue). Filene's just had either very dowdy dresses or very cheap juniors dresses. It was disappointing. I have some wool pants with sparkly thread woven through and a black cashmere turtleneck, but I'd hoped for something a little more cute and feminine.

Last night was quiet around the homestead, with only a mouse scuttering around above my bed. The insomnia last night was caused by the late closing time at the part-time job for the holiday season. I don't get home until about 10:30, and I'm still kind of wound up from my thirteen-hour workday, so it takes me hours to get to sleep. If I can make it until after Christmas when I'm taking some much-needed time off from both my jobs without a nervous breakdown, I'll be elated.

Apparently Mitt Romney used to be sympathetic to gay people. I guess Mitt's had a rough twelve years since his 1994 interview, in which he said, "People of integrity don't force their beliefs on others, they make sure that others can live by different beliefs they may have." Exactly, stupid.

I wish Starbucks sold those cardboard carafes full of holiday lattes. My cup is empty, but I can't bring myself to throw it away in case more holiday latte magically appears. I don't care if I have to order it in Fritalian, it's delicious.

Well, I'm going to curl up under my desk and take a nap. Have a lovely weekend everybody! Keep your vajayjays in your knickers.