Things I am Pissed About Today

Every day, I eat lunch at 2pm. Yes, I know it’s late, but I am useless after lunch, so I figure it’s best to be useless for two hours instead of four. Anyway, our lunch room is by the freight elevator, where our FedEx packages are dropped off. Also near this lunch room is the administrative assistant’s office. Every day at 2:30, the FedEx guy comes and rings the doorbell so he can come in. Since the administrative assistant’s office is RIGHT near the door, wouldn’t you think the assistant would say, “Hey, the FedEx guy comes every day around 2:30. Maybe I should hang in my office so I can let the FedEx guy in.” But, the admin assistant is conveniently absent from his office at 2:30 most days, and since there are no other offices in the vicinity, the poor saps eating lunch have to get up and let the FedEx guy in.
All I want is to eat my goddamn Lean Cuisine in peace. I want to read the newspaper, drink my Coke and not have to think about work for an hour. When I hear the annoying little “ding-dong” I have to put down my newspaper, get up, walk over to the door, and be polite to the FedEx guy who is most likely dropping off more work for me to do. I am not happy to see this guy, nor am I happy to have to take a break from my break to do someone else’s job. This is especially frustrating since the admin assistant has been caught napping in our storage closet and still has a job and an office. I have never napped on the job and I only have one-quarter of a cubicle.

At lunch today, my friend (and coworker) Kristen and I were sitting at a table eating lunch. Kristen, due to her new “eat until you puke” diet plan, had a small pile of Tupperware in front of her that had contained the ingredients for her burritos. One of the higher-ups in my office walked in to the lunch room, and, without saying a word to either Kristen or me, picks up the Tupperware and examined it quizzically to see if someone had taken her Tupperware. When she was satisfied it wasn’t hers, she put it back on the table, still not saying anything to Kristen or me, grabbed a soda and walked out.
How fucking rude are you? Just because I don’t attend your little meetings about how to market the newest edition of a poetry anthology (which doesn’t change!) and you don’t have to deal with me much doesn’t give you a free pass to treat me like some Untouchable, and even if you’re being an asshat, why don’t you say “Sorry about that” or maybe ask before you pick up somebody else’s stuff like they’re a common thief?

I toasted garlic bread in the toaster-oven at work today to go with my lunch. Some of the edges got singed, which smelled like burning toast, but the smell of yummy garlic was also strong. About three different people came in to the lunch room, sniffed the air, and made faces like I’d shit in the toaster over and toasted it. Fuck you. It’s garlic toast.


When somebody new is hired, they usually get a tour of the company, meeting everyone. It’s totally overwhelming for the newbie, but it’s a nice gesture so the other people can know who the strange person walking around the office is. One of the editors was taking around a new editorial assistant, looked in to our large cubicle (known as “the Bullpen” or “the Penalty Box”), which had most of us sitting at our desks, peeked her head in, said “And these are just some of the assistants” and walked off without introducing the new person.
I’d like to see what your grammar book would look like without “the assistants” looking at it. First of all, it would take forever to develop since the assistants do a lot of the grunt work while you do lofty things like show the new people around the office and spew out babies. You get paid more than me, you have an office to yourself with a door, you get more time off than me… could you take the minute it takes to say my name and introduce me to the new person? Or do you know you’re going to make her life so miserable that she’ll quit in six months so it’s not worth my time to get to meet her?

I read this story in the newspaper about a woman who died of bone cancer. Sad, yes. But she said that she wanted her tombstone to read “Never drank a Coca-Cola.” I hate this Harvard/BU/MIT-educated, uber-intellectual type of person who is completely brilliant but looks down their nose as the “normal people” and their “boorish” behavior. I am a smart-ass girl, but I enjoy baseball, beer, and Coca-Cola as well as good literature and a rowdy political debate.


The MBTA announced plans to get rid of tokens and create something called a CharlieCard. This is all well and good for the people who use the paper, seldom-use ticket. But for those of us who use the monthly pass, the T now wants to make it so you don’t get unlimited rides with the pass as you do now, but that you’ll get a slightly discounted rate on the rides you take, so you’re paying per ride, not per month. Also, they named it the CharlieCard after a song by the Kingston Trio. What? Nobody knows what the hell that is. They should’ve named it the Tessie Card, the Dirty Water Card, or perhaps the Go Fuck Yourself With Your Veiled Fare Hike Card. According to the MBTA’s website, a “large number” of T riders wanted to name this the CharlieCard. And they all wear pants up to their chins and complain about people “thinkin’ too loud.”

I am pissed off that I am college-educated and I can’t make enough money to pay for the damn education. I’d be making more money being a flight attendant, teacher or trucker than in this job. While I love my department (none of the above offenses were committed by any of them) the rest of the company and their damn low pay scale sucks. I am here only because of the free Coke, nice people, and occasional afternoon punch and pie.