Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Adventures in Klutziness

I am not a very athletic person. Yes, I work out regularly, but I do that to keep my ass from growing to the size where it will knock over the Pru. But when it comes to activities that require coordination or grace, I am not very good.

I thought I could handle some boogie boarding at the beach on Sunday. Annette and Amy P. came down to the fine state of Rhode Island to partake in the glory that is Narragansett Town Beach. After hearing that the surf would be two to four feet high, I grabbed the boogie boards from my Mom's basement. We got to the beach and watched as the surf pounded the shore.

"Awesome," Annette said, shedding her clothes to head for the water.

Amy and I took the boards out first. Annette stood by and coached Amy in how to use the boards as I tried to get the hang of mine again. The last time I used the boards was at least three years ago when I brought the kids down for a beach day, and I'd gotten rusty. When I finally caught a wave, I rode it but tipped my nose down, shooting a heavy spray of salt water into my sinuses. Undeterred, I took the board back out into the growing surf.

A wave came at me that I thought I could handle, but I noticed I'd kind of timed it wrong. Instead of just bobbing over the crest of the wave, I paddled for it. I caught the wave and soared toward the beach. On my high-speed journey to land, I rolled or tipped the board and threw myself into the crashing foam.

I couldn't find which direction was up for a few seconds, until-- SMACK. My right cheekbone hit the sandy bottom of the ocean. I held my breath until I could get my feet below me again and stood up in the relatively shallow water.

Amy and Annette laughed at me until they saw how freaked out I was. "Am I okay? Did I lose any teeth?" I asked them. (In my defense, I'm without health insurance right now, so I was making sure I wasn't looking at a huge dental bill.)

"No, you've got all your teeth," Annette said. "And a fat lip."

"And you're probably going to have a shiner on your face too."

Shaken, I brought my board back to our towels and then slowly waded back into the crashing surf. Between waves I stuck my head into the cool water to keep the swelling down. As you can see, it didn't help too much.
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

I sat around, thinking of excuses for the huge shiner I figured would bloom on my face at any moment.

"I just wouldn't listen," I suggested.

"Fucking sharks, man," Annette added.

"There's the classic 'what do you mean what's wrong with my face?' line," Amy P. said.

Luckily, I haven't needed to formulate any excuses. My face looked much better on Sunday night.
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Beach hair and a semi-shiner. Why am I single?

Nobody's noticed my injury unless I've pointed it out to them, which negates all the cool excuses my friends and I developed. So I am pointing it out here to warn you that if you are thrown from any board to put your arms over your head to protect your face. That way, you won't have to explain how you got that bruise on your face and spraying liquid all over your bathroom because you lip is still kind of swollen.


bex said...

yeah, ummm...you're not allowed to use the shark excuse, as that is currently the official story of why my elbow had to be replaced:

I was swimming off the coast of chatham and saved a baby harp seal from a gigantic shark...

but i'll work on a good story for you...

oakleyses said...

jordan pas cher, louboutin pas cher, louis vuitton outlet, polo ralph lauren outlet online, tiffany and co, longchamp outlet, christian louboutin outlet, louis vuitton, ray ban sunglasses, air max, uggs on sale, nike free, oakley sunglasses, louis vuitton outlet, replica watches, jordan shoes, longchamp pas cher, ray ban sunglasses, michael kors pas cher, tiffany jewelry, oakley sunglasses wholesale, longchamp outlet, christian louboutin shoes, louis vuitton outlet, nike outlet, christian louboutin uk, nike air max, gucci handbags, tory burch outlet, nike air max, ugg boots, oakley sunglasses, cheap oakley sunglasses, prada handbags, polo ralph lauren, replica watches, nike free run, ugg boots, prada outlet, polo outlet, burberry pas cher, louis vuitton, ray ban sunglasses, sac longchamp pas cher, chanel handbags, longchamp outlet, nike roshe, oakley sunglasses

oakleyses said...

sac vanessa bruno, michael kors, ralph lauren uk, kate spade, nike blazer pas cher, burberry handbags, lululemon canada, nike tn, coach purses, north face, coach outlet, vans pas cher, abercrombie and fitch uk, uggs outlet, sac hermes, timberland pas cher, coach outlet store online, converse pas cher, replica handbags, hogan outlet, hollister pas cher, guess pas cher, mulberry uk, nike air max uk, michael kors outlet online, uggs outlet, nike air max, nike air force, true religion jeans, burberry outlet, ray ban pas cher, north face uk, michael kors outlet, michael kors, ray ban uk, oakley pas cher, new balance, michael kors outlet, nike air max uk, michael kors outlet online, polo lacoste, true religion outlet, michael kors outlet, michael kors outlet online, true religion outlet, michael kors outlet online, nike roshe run uk, hollister uk

oakleyses said...

herve leger, lululemon, reebok outlet, ferragamo shoes, wedding dresses, louboutin, longchamp uk, gucci, converse outlet, new balance shoes, mont blanc pens, nike air max, celine handbags, nike roshe run, hollister, nike trainers uk, p90x workout, beats by dre, mcm handbags, converse, nfl jerseys, instyler, nike air max, ralph lauren, valentino shoes, hollister, ghd hair, giuseppe zanotti outlet, abercrombie and fitch, vans, iphone cases, nike huaraches, baseball bats, vans outlet, hermes belt, chi flat iron, hollister clothing, babyliss, asics running shoes, oakley, soccer shoes, north face outlet, ray ban, mac cosmetics, timberland boots, bottega veneta, jimmy choo outlet, soccer jerseys, north face outlet, insanity workout

oakleyses said...

canada goose jackets, canada goose outlet, louis vuitton, ugg pas cher, hollister, doudoune moncler, ugg, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, moncler, louis vuitton, pandora jewelry, replica watches, moncler outlet, moncler uk, barbour, juicy couture outlet, barbour uk, lancel, canada goose, juicy couture outlet, swarovski crystal, pandora charms, louis vuitton, marc jacobs, moncler outlet, moncler, louis vuitton, swarovski, pandora uk, karen millen uk, canada goose outlet, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, moncler, ugg uk, montre pas cher, toms shoes, moncler, supra shoes, links of london, canada goose uk, wedding dresses, canada goose, canada goose, thomas sabo, canada goose outlet, louis vuitton, pandora jewelry, coach outlet