Here In My Car, I Feel Safest of All

Go boom!

Say it ain't so!

Rhode Island drivers are no longer the worst in the nation, according to GMAC Insurance.

Each year, GMAC Insurance tests drivers on a standard written drivers test.

Last year, Rhode Islanders had the worst pass rate. This year, the honor belongs to New Yorkers.

Rhode Island moved up to 47th place just ahead of Massachusetts.

What? I refuse to believe it. How is it possible that Rhode Island drivers have gotten better? Every time I go home I'm nearly killed by some jackoff who isn't paying attention to the construction on 95 (The Diglet, TM CO). Someone's always on my ass, not using a turn signal, going 50 down our back roads with wee little babies running free on them, or not noticing a light that's turned green. I got my license after I literally drove around the block. I didn't park, I didn't three-point-turn, nothing. How has the situation improved?

To my fellow Rhode Islanders, I implore you to start driving like douchebags again. Are you going to let New York be better than you at something? The next thing you know they'll be taking down the Big Blue Bug or the Independent Man and moving it to Syracuse. Have some goddamn pride, people. Cut someone off today. Sweep across five lanes of rush hour traffic at 80 miles an hour with no turn signal. Deploy your middle finger liberally. Do it for Rhode Island.

...At least we're still better than Massachusetts. Heh.