Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Said I Think I'll Go To Boston, Where No One Knows My Name

Like the many Rhode Islanders before him who turned to Massachusetts to get away from the smallest state in the union but still be close to home, Vincent "Buddy" Cianci is moving to Boston. Once he gets out of the pokey, that is.

Former Providence Mayor Vincent "Buddy" Cianci will work in sales and marketing at a luxurious Boston hotel when he gets out of federal prison on corruption charges, The Associated Press has learned. . . .

"He's going to have an office right inside the hotel. He's obviously an expert in sales and marketing. Look what he's done for downtown Providence," Regan said. "We think he'll be a great addition."

I am shocked, shocked, that Buddy isn't going to run for mayor of Providence right away. Buddy still has so many supporters in Rhode Island that I'm relatively sure they'd lobby to have a special election between Buddy and Cicilline and that Buddy would win in a landslide. Even my mother, who hates Buddy Cianci, has started laughing at his shenanigans before cursing him as a low-life thug.

Can you imagine Buddy Cianci trying to sell you something?

"Hi. I'm Buddy Cianci. You may remember me from such convictions as my 1984 assault using the very original combination of a lit cigarette, an ashtray, and a fireplace log, as well as my 2001 host of work, including mail fraud and conspiracy. All of this crime led to Providence, Rhode Island's revitalization, and now I'm here to revitalize your weekend with a stay at Fifteen Beacon, Boston's newest luxury hotel. In the shadow of the Massachusetts State House-- that I do not gaze at every day, tapping my fingers together like Mr. Burns, planning my domination of New England's most populous state-- you can stay in the lap of luxury. And, as long as you don't tell Taricani, I'll see to it my cousin has a real luxurious lady in your lap, if you know what I'm sayin'. So give me a call back, and we'll work somethin' out that's agreeable to both of us."

Yes, it's going to be a boon for business for Fifteen Beacon. Not only do I get to celebrate my birthday on July 28, I get to celebrate Buddy Cianci's release into society. Marinara sauce for everyone!

2 comments:

adamg said...

15 Beacon? Might be a couple of better hotels for him to rep: Jurys (former Boston police HQ) or that hotel at the old Charles Street Jail.

adamg said...

Alright, so now I'm imagining him on some Ernie Boch/Bob the furniture guy type commercial, standing in the lobby, yelling at the camera:

"So come on down to 15 Beacon! Take it from me: It'd be criminal not to!"