They Never Start Working

I have a job. This job requires me to work Monday through Friday, from early in the morning until later in the evening. This job keeps me busy, and I need to be on the premises to get my work done. I need to be on premises because I don't have internet access in my home, so I can't try to accomplish anything from home. I've also been trying to keep up with my busy blogging schedule, and arrange some freelance work so I can keep Visa and Discover off my back. Therefore, I decided to get internet in my home. One wonderful neighbor of mine has a wireless signal that is unlocked, but it's availability is sporadic and I need reliable access. Since I didn't want to pay Comcast's princely sum for cable internet, I decided to use Verizon DSL.

I ordered the service a couple of weeks ago, and the man who took my order told me that I'd get the modem in the mail, and when it was my service active date to just follow the instructions on the CD they'd send with the modem. After trying to upsell me everything from tech support to 300 digital cable channels to a coaster, I got off the phone with him. I was suspicious that perhaps my installation wouldn't be as easy as the man said, but figured it was a price I'd have to pay.

Of course, on Monday, my service active date, my installation went fine until the program on the CD attempted to check my DSL connection, which didn't work. I called Verizon, with my phone hiccuping even though I had all my bars, and after yelling at the voice menu, I finally spoke to a human. After being redirected to the Mac support team, they said there was nothing they could do, and they'd have to send a technician.

"When are they available?"

"Between 8am and 5pm."

"Well, I'm at work then."

"I'm sorry, m'am, but that's the only times."

I hate these companies. No one I know has ever sucessfully installed their broadband on the first try. Whether it's Comcast or Verizon, it's always a gigantic pain in the ass to get the internet into one's home. Why do they even bother with this self-install shit? Back in the olden days, people would come out to your home to set things up for you. I don't think it's anything I've done, either. The guy I spoke to on Monday said it sounded like the DSL hadn't been activated on the phone company's side. Even after I got a phone call yesterday saying it had been activated, it's still not working. So I got to call Ed, who sounded like he came from Toronto by way of Bombay, who couldn't understand what I was telling him and I couldn't understand what the hell he was telling me, and now I am sitting here, waiting for the techician who I'm not even sure will show up, missing work for what may only be the first time of many. I'm tempted to send this shit back to Verizon and find my neighbor with the already-established internet connection and pay her $10 a month for use of her signal. I just don't understand why Verizon can't send a techician to everyone's home to install these things. For a trained professional, it would probably take about fifteen minutes to take the modem out, set it up, figure out what is wrong, fix it, and get it working. Instead, I feel stupid because I can't set the thing up, and the phone support people are only marginally more useful than the monotone voices on the CD.

Just to make sure I'm good and frustrated, I'm going to try to set up an appointment with my doctor for a physical. That should be awesome.