Attention American Shoppers

Do not be hoodwinked. Do not be bamboozled. Do not get caught up in the red/green/white glow in the shopping malls and Targets of this fine land. Put your credit card away. THINK.
They aren't doing this to make your life easier. They're not recognizing your busy schedule. It's a trick, consumers. Retailers big and small are trying to catch you before you realize you're taking on a second mortgage's worth of heating bills this year and get you to buy everyone in your office an iPod, and not the half-priced candy basket you got on December 26th of last year that they so richly deserve. You don't even like half those people. Engage your brain.
What the hell happened to us? My Mom told me about how my father used to get pissy that stores had Christmas stuff out in November. December 1 at the Papa D's side of the family brought out garlands and lights, but not the day after Thanksgiving. He's probably rolling in his grave at the thought of half of K-Mart being full of cheap lights before Halloween.
Here's what you should be thinking about regarding the holidays until a week from Friday: planning your parties and buying any appropriate seasonal formal wear that you may need for said parties. That's it. Unless you're one of those people who buys Christmas gifts all year, I don't want to hear about you impulse-buying lotions or pine scented candles. Keep it in your pants, America. Your wallet, that is.
I'm a spender too. Keep this in mind. I went to the mall yesterday for a quick errand, and the place was already festooned with garland and red orbs and reindeer. I screamed and flinched. At least the annoying holiday music wasn't blaring over the speakers. Yet.
What happened to the Charlie Brown vision of Christmas? I mean, that kid's about seven years old and he gets it.
"I just don't understand Christmas, I guess. I like getting presents and sending Christmas cards and decorating trees and all that, but I'm still not happy. I always end up feeling depressed."
That's because Christmas brings out both the best and worst in people, Charlie Brown.

Man, but there was nothing like the Charlie Brown Christmas special when I was a kid. I'd be riled up for weeks about that.