I Hate Myself

...for caring.

"Thanks for the piggyback to fame, baby. But this is the end of the line for you."
I don't know why we're all so surprised about Nick and Jessica breaking up. Seriously. Anyone with half an ounce of sense would have smelled Joe Simpson's creepy odor wafting from this pile of shit marriage as soon as MTV decided to air it. His daughter wasn't as popular as Britney or Christina (or, for that matter, Mandy Moore) and he'd had it. What better than a show with Jessica and her Muppety boyfriend getting married and tolerating each other? What better than to engage America with his very openly virginal daughter finally getting married, with the not-so-subtle thought of her attractive cherry being popped? His big-boobed, dumb daughter and her slightly less dumb boy-band, football lovin', completely hetero husband would conquer the world.
Except Nick kind of got the shit end of that stick. He got to tag along on holiday specials and some duets, but his career stagnated like a mosquito breeding ground. For fuck's sake, the only role he had was on Charmed. Jessica launched a cosmetic line (which is actually kind of fun, I own the powder that tastes like cotton candy, shut up) and got to be in a movie with the star power of Johnny Knoxville (not very luminous), and she got to finally enjoy being a popular, pretty girl who put out. And she cashed out of the relationship (VIA EMAIL, my God, she ended her marriage in AN EMAIL) that got her there with her star rising and Nick's going into mid-season replacement sitcom hell.
Get this, Jessica even cops to it:

According to the magazine(US), a source close to Jessica said that "she felt he didn't want to be in the marriage, and she was tired of being in a fake marriage."

Poor Nick. He's not so bad. He has a funny face, but he seems nice. He made a deal with the devil (Jessica's creepy dad) and lost. I kind of feel for him. But I'm kind of glad I don't have to hear about them anymore. Perhaps Nick and Shar Jackson can have a drink.
"God, Kevin is such a dick. I tried to warn Britney, but she just wouldn't listen."
"I really loved Jessica. She was so dumb. Why did I let my guard down so easily with her? Why did I allow myself to love when I knew she'd only signed on for three seasons?"
"Honey, I know. We all make mistakes. But you'll get better. God, Britney is SUCH a skank."
"Maybe if I can beat up Knoxville she'll love me again."
"She loves her fame, baby, not you. She's gone. Trust me."