Tuesday, November 08, 2005


Throughout this whole Katie Holmes/Tom Cruise/ Scientology debacle, there has been a silent victim. No, not Oprah Winfrey's couch. No, not the unborn baby that will break little Katie's tiny hips in two when she tries to deliver it without drugs or, you know, verbalizing her pain. The silent victim in all of this is Katie's ex-fiance, Chris Klien. The poor boy doesn't seem to be taking it so well, given his interview with Entertainment Tonight:

So where did things shift? Chris explained, "As people grow up their tastes change and I know that growing up and becoming adults the direction her and I wanted to go in changed a little bit. When it was time to split it was time to split and when you know you know."

I don't even know what that is supposed to mean. Maybe that sentence needs some punctuation? Maybe poor Chris needs to lay off his post-breakup anti-depression meds? He sounds like a guy who's been reduced to watching the chick flicks his ex-girlfriend left behind on the sofa, beer cans and cigarettes around him like one of Saturn's rings.
Chris goes on:
The actor, who dated Tom Cruise's future bride for nearly five years before they called off their engagement earlier this year, also described how he thinks Katie, who's pregnant, will be as a mom. "I know that when she and I had a relationship she was always very fond of kids and was always good with her nieces and nephews."

Seriously. I don't know if the grammar whizzes over at ET are misrepresenting how Chris spoke to them, but this is ridiculous. I don't know how to begin to read that sentence.
Katie, girl, snap out of it. Look what you've done to this poor boy. He can't live without you. Now follow your Hollywood script, get yourself deprogrammed by a Catholic or a Lutheran or a goddamn Unitarian is you must, and go back to this nice young man. Or at least take back your English Patient DVD so he can get off the couch and move on.
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When there's a mugshot involved, you know your ex isn't taking the breakup so well.

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