Friday, June 24, 2005

Life is Hard, Man

God, when will The Man stop holding Oprah down?
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It's not easy being a billionare, people.
This just proves my theory that Oprah is no longer the everywoman that she portrays herself to be, but is in fact a petulant child who stomps her feet when she doesn't get her way. The store was closed, Oprah. Of course people were inside if there was a private event happening. Private means "not involving you." I know that you've made your millions violating your guests' private lives, so it must be confusing when the word means what it means. Store's closed, come back tomorrow, or shop online 24 hours a day. It's good enough for the millions of us plebeians who watch your show, so suck it up.
Also, if you need Tom Cruise and Pat O'Brien to come to your defense you've got way more problems than being a phony. Tom Cruise is not cute anymore. He was cute and charming in 1983. Now he's creepy and taking shots at women's issues. You must have done a show about post-partum depression in the past, so having the guy who "doesn't believe" in mental problems that millions of people deal with come to your defense may not be the best way to get in good with your audience. And Pat O'Brien? He's worse than one of the dumbass deadbeat husbands that Dr. Phil dragged on your stage. I'm sure you've done a show on creepy guys who call women endlessly and leave harassing messages. The slime you rally against is coming to your aid. Maybe that's your power, but it makes you look bad by association.
Also, according to your BFF, you described the experience as "humiliating." I think the language is a little strong, don't you? I've gotten to Target when the doors are closing and I'd call it more of a "pain in the ass" than "humiliating." Humiliating is a horrible haircut, evidence of your period on the seat of your skirt, or dancing on a couch on national television. A store not allowing you to shop after they've closed and are having a pre-planned private function? That's just playing by the rules.
I know that Hermes is going to kiss Oprah's ass and give her oodles of free handbags and she'll make some sort of racial/fat joke about the whole affair and the Hollywood sycophantary will be back in full effect. It's just nice to see that the rules for normal people sometimes apply to the rich and famous, with hilarious results.

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