Thursday, June 30, 2005

Georgia on my Mind...

Two funny things.

So I'm taking a break from freelancing to eat my crappy sandwich from 7-11 and I decide to see what part of "Risky Business" HBO was on. Thankfully, it was the scene where the young, still-believing-in-drugs Tom Cruise is having sex with the prostitute on the train. And I'm all, well, my sandwich tastes like loosely packed sand with turkey on it and freelancing sucks and I'm too busy to make a booty call so I should watch this. The part where they're pretty convincingly miming sex on a train comes on, I'm chewing on my sandwich, and life is great.
MEEEP. A red screen pops up, and a guy's voice booms "THIS IS AN AMBER ALERT. PLEASE TURN TO CHANNEL EIGHT OR YOUR LOCAL NEWS OUTLET." Except the government, in the name of the children, has seized control of my remote control and I cannot change the station. The television talks about the missing kid and how I should call the cops if I know anything and the red (get it? RED, like STATES and POLITICIANS and DIRTY COMMIES) screen was judging me and I felt like the biggest perv in the world for watching a sex scene on TV while some little girl is stuffed in a minivan with some dudes, scared out of her mind. I am also afraid that the voice of Tom DeLay or Jerry Fallwell will come through the television the next time I'm watching something sexy and boom out "THIS IS A SEX ALERT. WE'VE DETECTED THE SLIGHTEST HINT OF AROUSAL IN THIS VICINITY. PLEASE STEP AWAY FROM THE TELEVISION AND READ SOME HOLY WRIT THIS INSTANT."

The freelancing broke my brain.

So the freelancing I'm doing is making up endless quizzes from a history book used in Georgia to make sure that the kids are learning according to the criteria that the Georgians see fit to teach their kids. I resisted (mostly) the temptation to posturize about how the North kicks the South's ass in all manner of evolution. I think I did slip in a "What do the fossils found in Africa PROVE about the tens of thousands of years humans have been on Earth" in there, but it wasn't the dig I wish I could have done. As I was inserting the benchmarks the questions meet into the file, my iTunes shuffle started playing "Georgia" by Ray Charles. And, for the next couple of days, Georgia will indeed be on my mind.


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