Where is the Love?

From the Pete Bouchard files:

Since I've been home, I haven't remembered to enjoy my Pete Bouchard weather write-up unless my friend gives me the heads-up that he's been especially funny. I'm also missing the fine series of reports titled "Leaf it to Pete." I sincerely hope that it's released on DVD for the holidays, with the bonus feature of his apple-picking report from about a month ago. "Cup, and twist."
Since the weather is such a huge news item today, I remembered to check up on ol' Petey over at channel 7. Either my love is waning, or he's off his game. For example, his introduction:

I've seen busy weather maps in my time, but I ain't seen anything like this since winter. Lows, highs, fronts, cold, warmth, wind, waves - pure weather erotica.

Um, ew. Perhaps "fan fic"? I don't want to think about... oh God. Ew. EW!
But, Pete redeems himself slightly in the meaty part of the write-up:

But with Wilma scooting close to the storm, we may be in for more than we bargained for. If the storm is strong enough, it MAY absorb Wilma, giving us possible nor'cane (new word I made up) where snow is flying on one side of the Commonweath (Berkshires), and the wind and rain are pummeling the other side.

He invented a new word which is actually pretty apt. Well done, Mr. Bouchard. Minus two for the mention of "snow" while only in the tenth month of the year, though. I will throw myself off the roof if I see any white shit flying this week.
And then, there's this abomination. It's a horrible travesty. Brace yourselves. It ain't pretty.

It's tough to keep up, but we'll do our best...
...or you can help yourself with the links below.
I hope your with me when it's over. (Loverboy)

OH HOLY JESUS. I thought he was literate. I thought that the whole "Red Sox will be the AL West champs" slip was brought about by too many cow farts in foliage land. But maybe he's not the budding literary luminary stuck in a large-market weatherman gig I hoped he was. I hate when my faith is challenged, when I must question everything I hold dear. I can only offer my services as a fact-checker and copyeditor for the fine Mr. Bouchard. I wouldn't even charge channel 7 for it-- perhaps just ask for press passes when Sting's in town or something. But this is why people read boston.com for information and not whdh.com-- the content is managed better because they hire people to copyedit it before it goes up. I only want the best for you, Pete. Drop me a line if you want my services. And not like that, you pervs.