"Honey, but I always could accessorize..."

I posted a few days ago about the problems with fashion this year. Since it's not completely frigid outside anymore, people's thoughts are turning to spring and what's in and hip this year. The hippy, er, "bohemian" look is in, as are sparkly baubles and aviator sunglasses. But the coolest accessory that everyone in the media is talking about must be used under medical supervision. The complete "it" accessory this year is the feeding tube.
Some people wear them in, some people wear them out. But everyone is talking about them. It seems that if you want to be talked about at all, you've got to have one. All you need is a minor surgery to get one, but it's basically just a little nip/tuck action. You pop in on your lunch break, get the hole made, and then you're in with the fashionistas!
The major appeal of the feeding tube is that it gets you in the news. If your husband and family can't agree what to do with you or if you're the leader of a major religion you'll be especially popular. Old Navy will soon start producing knockoff tubes for those of us who don't get paid for interviews or praying. Starbucks is hard at work developing a latte that can be consumed via tube. Get your tube now before everyone's got one!