Wednesday, August 10, 2005

I'll Jerk my Liberal Knee Into Your Groin

First off, Kansas:
(Minnesota, Ohio, and New Mexico, pay attention too)
Look at this:
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Now this:
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They look almost exactly the same! How can you say we didn't evolve from apes? I just don't get it. Opposable thumbs, check. Less hair. Slightly more evolved language capabilities. Didn't we already get into an argument about this eighty years ago? I mean, if Kansas wants to teach kids that people come from storks, birds and bees make babies and masturbating makes you blind, that's the state's right. But it sure does little to lure us liberals to the great flat state of Kansas.

Also, please note this great new musical masterpiece:
Can you imagine how horrible a world it would be in Nick Cannon's mother hadn't given birth to him? We would not have the great new show "Nick Cannon Presents Wild 'n' Out" on MTV. Tatyana Ali would not again be gracing our television sets. It is very much like "It's a Wonderful Life," but with more bling.
I know that it's hypocritical of me to lambast a pop star for offering his opinion about abortion since I have about as much credibility as he does-- I just write on the internet when work is slow. But his song is a blatant attempt to manipulate whoever he thinks will listen to him. As Renee Graham points out, he doesn't discuss what happens after his mother gave birth to him. Did she struggle? Did she ever secretly wish she'd gone through with it? No matter what a woman chooses when it comes to abortion, she's going to wonder what would have happened if she'd made the other choice. It's cruel to paint life as roses after a young woman gives birth, because it's not that easy. So, in short, shut up, Nick Cannon. Give me Jay-Z any day.

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