Whatever and Ever Amen

The first time the Whatever and I split up, we ate at the Home Country Buffet. I knew but didn't allow myself to know what was happening. He barely touched me, he opened up and actually talked to me, and didn't come up to my apartment when I invited him. He put the car in park, told me he hated to do what he had to do.
A few months later, we ended up back together again, and it was good for me. Somehow, I viewed the problems we had the first time as all my fault, that my lack of experience with an actual relationship was the problem. And things went well for a while. Things were good when I was at home with my Mom since we weren't in the same city as each other. But once we were back in the same city, it was only a matter of time.
Yesterday the Whatever IMed me, and we talked about nothing for a little while, but then started talking about fighting with each other, and the fact that it probably wasn't going to work out. I sat in the living room to make sure the wireless connection wouldn't drop me, trying not to sob loud enough for my roommate to hear in the next room. The Whatever and I decided to get it out of the way, to talk in person and wrap it up. "I hate to do this because of what happened there last time, but can we do the Old Country Buffet? I need comfort food."
I threw a package of tissues in my purse and he picked me up and we headed down to the restaurant. It was about noon, so the place was mobbed when we got there. Searching for a possible moment of privacy, we tried Papa Ginos instead. We ate pizza and talked about what had been happening with us for the past couple of weeks. I would be fine, then I would realize that this was the end of it for us, that we wouldn't spend any more lazy Saturday afternoons eating pizza at the mall. I'd tear up, avoid his gaze, and sip my soda while studying the patterns on the table.
We finished eating and looked at video games for a little while, then headed back to my apartment for the inevitable. I hugged him and cried for about an hour, not because it was unexpected, but because this other person took root in my life and was tearing himself away. It's also the first time I've had to end things with someone I love. In the past I've been wronged and managed to hate the guys who fucked with me. But the Whatever isn't a bad guy, but we're too much alike to be together. We're both stubborn, smart, jealous people who love to be the center of attention. It's fine if we're friends and don't see each other much, but when we compete with each other all the time, it just leads to fights that could power a large city.
I hugged him for the last time, and he drove me to the people I babysit. I didn't want to get out of the car because that would be the official end of it, but I was running late. I patted him on the knee and kissed his cheek, he said "Goodbye, hon" then stammered, "er, goodbye, Amy" instead, and I got out of the car for the last time. He waited for me to cross the street, and then drove out of my life.
The girl I babysit asked me what I did yesterday. I said I had pizza with the Whatever, and that we weren't going to see each other for a while. She looked kind of confused and asked why. "Well, we both love each other, but we fight too much. That's not a good thing when you're somebody's boyfriend."
"Oh Amy," she said, splashing around in the bathtub, "you guys were just hanging out anyway. Maybe you can bring me and my brother to a football game now."
I finished babysitting, and a wave of exhaustion came over me. I called my Mom and cried into the phone, and she said she was sorry. We talked about a friend of hers who came to visit, and big news that I had to deliver (other than the Whatever's disappearance). I sat around, emailed a friend, tried to take a nap, then dragged myself downtown for a show at the Harp. Like someone who's overeaten and is presented with more food, the idea of dancing with a guy made me sick. I put on a modest sweater and bare essential makeup and resolved to just enjoy being out. The band was good, although the lead singer was wasted, and we stayed until closing time. I met a friend of a friend who was hilarious when she shared the cab home with us. The cabbie stopped at Dunkin Donuts for a coffee, and turned the car off. This girl tried to roll the window down, and kept saying, "Hey, guy, get back here, there's friends over there!" He came back into the cab, and this girl rolled the window down and said hello to the guys on the sidewalk, who flipped us off because we had a cab and they didn't. The girl kept looking for people to yell at for the whole ride home. With that, I know I'm back in the land of the single twentysomething woman. Right now, it's sad and exciting. Ask me again in six months when I haven't had a date and hate every man I lay eyes on.