Corporate crime sucks, y'all. Imbezzle the money, you'll find it ain't funny.
Check this headline out:
Ebbers sniffled audibly and dabbed at his eyes with a white tissue as he was sentenced.
He probably did so with his pinky finger raised, fanning his face with his free hand and murmuring "I told myself I wouldn't do this."
He [Ebbers' lawyer] described Ebbers as "a modest man" and an angel to many desperate charitable causes.
"If you live 60-some-odd years, if you have an unblemished record, if you have endless numbers of people who attest to your goodness, doesn't that count? Doesn't that count particularly on this day?" Weingarten said.
An "angel?" He wiped out the pensions of his investors, to the tune of billions of dollars. Unless this fraud bounty was routed directly into the accounts of AIDS-ravaged countries in Africa or widows of the Iraq war, I hardly see this guy as angelic. I think Weingarten is reaching, and not adding "I really hope it counts today, because this clown won't pay me otherwise."
I can also hear this Ebbers fellow bitching in his corporate prision, crying in his whole-wheat soy oatmeal that his cronies didn't get as much time as he will. "John and Timothy won't be in jail as long as I will. Boo hoo hoo." Even Martha, M. Diddy herself, is flaming the band of her tracking device with a creme brulee torch and yelling, "You're a fucking pussy, Ebbers. Suck it up, asshole."
...Unrelated, but I think Martha and I have the same taste in men:
"He was talking about me after I left, and — I have to say — Jon Stewart is even better looking in person than he is on TV," Stewart says. "I have such a crush on him."