"Why is it that all the cool people die young?"
Deb looked at me quizzically. "Um, what?"
"Jim Henson died so young!" I exclaimed, gesticulating wildly to the empty streets of Cambridge. "And Lindsay Lohan is still running free in this world!"
"Well, he was older when he died, Lindsay still has time before she catches up with him," Deb said, kind of unsure about the macabre turn the conversation had taken.
We were talking about the Muppets because we'd just attended the first one and a half films at the Brattle theater's Muppet Triple Feature. Deb had seen it in the Metro, and we decided to make the trek to Cambridge to enjoy a little nostalgia.
The first movie I ever saw in a theater was one of the Muppet Movies. I think it was The Muppets Take Manhattan since it was released in 1984. I don't remember the movie, but I do remember reading my baby book a few years ago and seeing that I'd apparently been more interested in the "story wall" in the bathroom (the graffiti) than the actual movie. But I've always loved the Muppets. I had a Miss Piggy lunchbox. I liked watching The Muppet Show and even Muppet Babies, so I was excited that the Muppet movies were playing on the big screen.
Deb, Annette and I arrived in time for the first movie, The Muppet Movie, which tells the fictionalized story of how the Muppets got their start in Hollywood. From watching it on television reruns, I know that this one is my favorite Muppet movie. The movie begins with the usual suspects sitting in a screening room, Waldorf and Statler making fun of the proceedings. "I've seen detergents that leave a better film than this!" Hilarious.
The the "movie" begins, and Kermit sits in a swamp, plucking a banjo, and singing "Rainbow Connection." And I, a twenty-four year old woman, started crying. In a movie theater. Crying while listening to a song sung by a green felt frog puppet. Something about that song gets to me. Jim Henson sings it so convincingly, so wistfully, that it's moving. It's a simple, sparse song that uses imagery so well. Those are the ones that always get me teary. Tease me if you want, but you are made of stone if you can listen to that song without feeling something.
I went into the movie theater in kind of a funk, but midway through the movie my mood had greatly improved. I love the Muppets for the same reason I love the Shrek movies-- there's material for adults and kids alike. The number of one-liners and puns in the first five minutes of The Muppet Movie outnumbers the jokes in the entirety of most kids movies made now. When Kermit is nearly steamrolled while riding his bicycle, he says, "It's a good thing frogs can hop, or I'd be gone with the Schwinn!" The entire theater groaned, and then laughed.
Then "Movin' Right Along" started, with the obligatory annoying person sitting behind me singing the entire song. Shut up, girl. Everybody here knows the words to this song. In the words of the Grandpa in The Princess Bride, "you're very smart. Now shut up." Although I did sing one part:
California here we come, that pie-in-the sky-land
Palm trees and warm sand
Though sadly we just left Rhode Island...
Heh.
Then the other song that got me balling comes later, "I'm Going to Go Back There Someday." Just the line "There's not a word yet, for old friends who've just met" had the tears going from "mist" to "pour." I heard Deb sniffling next to me, and the annoying girl behind me didn't sing along to that song. I wanted to turn around and say, "Bitch, I know ALL THE WORDS to this song, and the words to ALL the other songs you obnoxiously sung, so shut the fuck up, I am the queen of this movie." But I didn't, because the Muppets had put me in a better mood.
We laughed as Bunsen and Beeker came out, and laughed at Animal's head popping out of a building after he ate giant pills. As an Emerson alum, I found Orson Wells' line, "Prepare the standard 'Rich and Famous' contract for Kermit the Frog and Company" hilarious. I do think some of my classmates went west looking for this actual contract.
We tried to sit through The Great Muppet Caper, but we were hungry and tired, so we left after John Cleese's "there's a pig climbing the building" conversation. Deb tends to get a little bored at movies that aren't fast-paced, so the dry humor was lost on her. I did like the line in the opening credits when Gonzo asks Kermit if anyone actually reads the names on the screen. "Oh sure," Kermit replies, "these people have families." It's the same thing for copyright pages in textbooks, Kermie.
I've always had an affinity for Jim Henson as a person. Even as a kid, I loved how he created so many things so many people enjoy. I hated Fraggle Rock, but I always liked the Muppets, Sesame Street, and even the Storyteller series with larger, scarier puppets. I liked how Jim Henson reminded me of my Dad, with his big, bushy beard. I actually remember hearing how Jim Henson died, watching kids on the news talk about how much they loved the Muppets, and how my Mom told me that he died of pneumonia, which is the same thing that killed my Dad. I hate how the Muppets got bought out by Disney, which seems to ruin everything it touches. A Muppet Christmas Carol was good, but since then there's been a dearth of good Muppet movies. The same humor, the sense of zaniness with sentimentality, has been lost entirely for sight-gags and bland songs. Sing a song from Muppets in Space. You can't, because they're completely unmemorable. But, like the annoying girl behind me, most people can sing the songs from The Muppet Movie because they appeal to universal emotions that kids and adults can relate to.
I think I'll begin accumulating more credit card debt by buying The Muppet Movie on DVD, and singing the songs to myself in the privacy of my living room. I'll also have to add a box of Kleenex to the tab, since I'm a giant softie. There is nothing but gooey nugat under this jawbreaker shell.
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