Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

Dear Federal Government,

I know times are tough, but could you at least splurge on some lube?

Kthnx,
America's Debt-Saddled College Grads

As I read this article, I realized I am not in the dire straits that this article discussed. I consolidated my federal loans as soon as my grace period was over, so I locked in a good rate. However, the ugly side of student loan debt that this article does not discuss is the unsubsidized private loans, which is where most of my soul-crushing debt is. Sallie Mae continues to own me until I'm forty, and their interest rate is variable. So, as the Fed continues raising interest rates, my bill goes up, and I'm fucked. And, unlike the comparatively kind federal loans, Sallie Mae doesn't adjust your payments based on your income. Pay up, or the nasty collection agencies come for you. My Mom also cosigned one of my loans, so if I don't pay she also gets a nastygram, and there is no collection agency more deadly and feared than my Mom being faced with damage to her immaculate credit score. I think she'd be less angry with me if I showed up on her front step pregnant and on drugs, but still paying my loans.

I anxiously await Hillary Clinton's bill that would limit student loan payments to a certain percentage of a grad's income, because that would be excellent, and allow me to pay off my credit card debt as well. Come on, Hil. Get on it. I'm dying here.