He'll School You

This man owns all our asses.

John Coffee is retiring. While I know the large majority of you don't give a rat's ass, I feel the need to mention it. This guy was the best history teacher/professor I ever had, which is saying something because some of my favorite teachers taught history. He was the first person I heard call George Bush II "Shrub." He taught me what callipygianmeans. He liked my essays about Queen Elizabeth I because my writing was "spirited." Once you took a class with John Coffee you'll be back for more. I took "The World Since 1914" and went back for "Western Civilization" and "History of England." He, along with everyone else I know, lives in my neighborhood. I'll bake him a cake, bring it by his house and hope he'll let me in and regale me with the stories of his cigar and watermelon diet and public transportation tokens. Thanks much, Professor Coffee. Emerson is a worse place for your retirement.