Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Nikki Dingle Isn't Givin' it Up to You

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This is Nikki Dingle. Nikki Dingle feels the need to advertise her desire to remain a virgin until marriage by wearing a silver ring, despite the fact that her last name should take care of the pesky "boys wanting to do her" issue. Nikki Dingle, ladies and gentlemen.

Yet another issue that makes my brain explode. The ACLU has filed suit against the government for donating one million dollars to the organization known as the Silver Ring Thing. This organization travels the country, asking middle- and high-school students to abstain from sex until marriage. Students can advertise this holier-than-thou attitude by purchasing a silver ring for $15. Interestingly enough, when this ring is purchased you get a complimentary Bible. Yes, some Holy Writ to go along with your federally funded organization that advocates that ''a personal relationship with Jesus Christ [is] the best way to live a sexually pure life."
Fuck off. Kids are horny, okay? The hormones drive them nuttier than a high-pitched whistle near a dog. I don't advocate reckless unsafe sex. (Reckless sex, maybe. But not unsafe.) I am just as appalled as your average midwestern mother when I hear stories of twelve year-old kids having sex, oral or otherwise. I didn't even get my period until I was twelve. But I knew exactly what was going on when I got it because I had a cool, clinical discussion in my public school about the whole reproduction thing. If by some miracle I managed to woo my history teacher, I knew I could get pregnant. I knew about contraception. I got the basic idea of what happened during sex. That was all I needed to know. My gym teacher could barely dress himself-- there was no need for him to try to explain the complicated social issues that revolve around the most animalistic of our urges.
The majority of Americans have lost sight of what sex education is. Teachers don't air Sex and the City episodes illustrating the use of the Rabbit or a sex swing. Hardcore pornography isn't shown. Cosmopolitan magazine-eqsue alliteration isn't used to ask girls if they're aware of the "sweet spot he needs to stroke." Reproductive organs were illustrated in the notorious "pancake video" when I was in school. Religion shouldn't enter into it. Teachers shouldn't tell kids they're too young to have sex or that they are old enough to do it. The cold clinical facts should be presented. This are the organs; this is what happens when you engage in sexual activity; these are the risks involved; here is how you can minimize those risks. MTV airs far more sexually explicit public service announcements during TRL-- kids know what's going on.
Even at the young age of twelve, I knew that abstinence wasn't for me. It was drilled into my hormone-permeated head that abstinence was the only sure-fire way to avoid AIDS or other STDs. But, as Billy Joel says, only the good die young. It didn't even cross my mind that premarital sex could be considered wrong. I made my choice once I had the facts. The government should allow today's teenagers, who grew up in an even more explicit society than I did, the same choices. Guilting someone into "good" behavior by threatening them with an afterlife in the fires that burn but never consume isn't the way to go, especially in public schools where the threat shouldn't even be made.
And also, there are the facts:
A study released in March in the Journal of Adolescent Health indicated that young adults who took virginity pledges as teens were as likely to be infected with sexually transmitted diseases as those who did not. The study by two sociology professors -- one at Yale, another at Columbia -- said people who make the pledge generally have fewer sex partners, start having sex later, and marry earlier. But they are less likely to use condoms and more likely to experiment with oral and anal sex.

Uh-oh. Faith-based groups should be worried about this. God doesn't like sex that couldn't result in another human born to strain the already maxed out resources of the planet. But maybe I should start hanging out at these Silver Ring Things to pick up a kinky soul stranded in a virgin's body. But that's a different ring for a different time.

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