This was the best show I've ever seen. Even better than Top Model. Light years better than the Apprentice. Britney and Kevin: Chaotic is television at its finest.
Kristen and I did the only thing one can do when white trash gets a reality TV show:
Yeah, that's right:
I didn't get a picture of the Cheetos and potato chips, but I assure you they were there. Roommate Deb, Kristen, Alicia and I gathered around the warm glow of the television to partake in the schadenfreude. It was an hour of Britney Spears bugging the hell out of her stylists and assistants about their feelings on sex and commitment. Britney doesn't believe in marriage because she's "been there, done that ::snort::." Then Britney and her giant lactating breasts tell us that she met Keeeevin and she began to feel otherwise. But Keeeevin played coy. "Love is love. Love is what it is. I don't believe in marriage, but I can believe that you can get married," he opines. I think we found out who's writing the President's speeches, y'all. We find out Kevin put Britney in "ecstasy, ecstasy" with his super-potent white trash super sperm. I threw up in my mouth a little.
This show is best watched with Roommate Deb, who put Alicia, Kristen and I into hysterics with her Britney impression. She uses her index finger to make the pig-snout nose that Britney makes during the show and monotoned "Kevin, what do you think about marriage, Kevin? Kevin? Oh my God, what position do you like, Kevin?" I almost choked to death on laughter and Schlitz. Sure, it's a horrible show. But I feel better about myself having watched it. For a woman who's held up as this ideal "sexy woman," she's horribly insecure. She talks about sex all the time to reassure us that she's still sexy. She clings to Kevin from the first moment he's in her Blair Witch-esque camera frame. She's needy and clingy and decidedly not sexy. Also, without makeup she looks eight shades of horrible. Sure, she's skinny, but there's lots of skinny girls in the world who don't need to discuss sex with her entire payroll.
So I'll see you all next week at 9/8 Central to watch part two of the train wreck. 40s for everyone!