I just threw up in my own mouth a little bit with this article. (Thanks to kcee for the tip.)
You know, when I was in third grade and had to write Valentines for everyone in my class, I wasn't thinking about doing Lisa with the freckles. I think I was more concerned with the fact that writing out everyone's name on the "to" line and repeating my own name in my wriggly, illegible cursive on the "from" line sucked. And I wanted some candy.
Come on, people. Valentine's Day is not a day for sex. It's about the least sexy day of the year since everyone has major performance anxiety due to the immense commercial pressure to give the best gift, reserve a spot at the most romantic restaurant, and to at least not be alone. And if you're looking to reach high school kids about remaining pure, perhaps you should use prom season. Nobody I went to high school with hooked up with someone for the first time on Valentine's Day.
Be sure to visit the Day of Purity's website. (The Day of Purity is brought to you locally by the Massachusetts Family Institute, who are the same fine people lobbying to ban gay marriage.) I think the best thing on the Day of Purity's website, aside from the excellent t-shirts, is the testimonials page. It starts out fairly reasonable:
I think this is a wonderful thing you have started! It's about time somebody took some action in making things better rather than harping about how bad they are. . . . I had a baby when I was 16 years old, which I placed for adoption (open adoption).
Oh. Yeah. Once you've had a baby, you kind of have a leg to stand on on teaching abstinence. But then, the testimonial heads south:
I am now using my testimony at middle schools and different church youth groups in an attempt to educate my generation on why they should remain abstinent. Once again, I applaud your efforts! (K.G. 12th Grade)
Ah, yes, the Church. I can see teaching kids that abstinence is the best way to remain disease- and baby-free. I do not support keeping kids in the dark on the other options, however.
The lunacy continues:
On my left hand, ring finger, I wear a ring that symbolizes my promise of purity to God. I did not make this promise because my mom told me to, I did it because God told me to. I am a virgin and proud of it, despite my friends that have already broken this, I will stay strong. . . . I want people to know that it is the greatest gift to give to our spouse on your wedding night. I want people to know they have a choice before they make a mistake! (J.M. 10th Grade)
I love that this girl is all, "my Mom didn't even force me to wear this! No siree! I'm a happy happy virgin in my bobbysocks and I hate that sinful old Elvis Presley!" Also: news flash, kid. You and your future husband are going to be hammered after your wedding. And you will need to be because your first time sucks. It hurts. You will not like it. It is not all angels and puffy clouds, but is pain. If you want to give your spouse a gift, buy him a TV.
And, finally, the bitchiest newlywed ever:
“I am 21 years old and newly married. All growing up I watched my friends around me go through short term relationships one after the other. I knew I was waiting for the perfect guy that the Lord had picked out for me, but something in my heart still longed for what they had. I waited and waited wondering how long it would be before I found the special guy to spend the rest of my life with. Now looking back I am so happy that I donÂ’t have previous relationships as baggage. Let me tell you girls. It is worth the wait. Enjoy singleness and when God wills, He will send you the man of your dreams. It will be beyond anything that you could ask or think.” (A.M. Newlywed in N.C.)
Just hold on, single girls! The Lord is going to set you up soon! Don't work at a relationship, don't succumb to your biological urge to mate, don't do anything because God wills a man into your life. You don't find him, he comes to you, and when he does everything is fine! Your intercourse will be trasncendent and glorious, and all your single friends who have short-term relationships to learn what they want from a man will have to learn that the best way to meet your One True Love is when the Good Lord brings the man to you like a cosmic drive-through.
Oh my God. I am going to go neuter myself, because I can never raise enough kids with a brain to offset all these wackjobs. Since they don't have sex ed, they don't know about contraception and they breed faster than I can ever hope to keep up with.
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