I'm Not Even Supposed to Be Here Today

The man with the worst job in the known world has quit.

Seriously. This man has been made a fool of about three times a week on the Daily Show, and has been the mouthpiece of supreme evil/stupidity for the past three years. His job is to make a statement that means and reveals nothing, say he has "no comment" or "isn't sure" when journalists lob him some softball questions in a mask of "hard-hitting journalism" and then leaves. How does Scott live with himself? He's stood up for Dick Cheney and Scooter Libbey in the CIA leak case, talked a lot of smack about finding out who's responsible for leaking that information, and finds out the President did it. Wow. I'd be pretty fucking pissed too.

Apparently, Scott is not pissed. At least the President hasn't picked up on it if he is.

"I thought he handled his assignment with class, integrity," the president said. "It's going to be hard to replace Scott, but nevertheless he made the decision and I accepted it. One of these days, he and I are going to be rocking in chairs in Texas and talking about the good old days."

"Hey, Scott."

"Hi, Mr. President."

"Aw shoot, Scotty, I ain't been President on about six months now. You can call me 'Mister Former President.'"

"Sure, Mister Former President. Would you care for a scotch?"

"Now Scotty, you know I don't drink the hooch."

"I cannot confirm or deny the President's problems with drugs... Sorry. Old habits die hard, sir."

"Heh heh. HEH HEH HEH. Hey, remember that one time I made you lie about blowing that broad's cover?"

"Yes, sir."

"And remember that other time? That other time I made you lie?"

"Oh, Mister Former President. There were so many."

"There sure were, Scotty. There sure were."

(Pause.)

"Can you believe they put a liberal broad in the White House, Scotty? Especially such a dikey one?"

"Oh sir. I am so glad I quit when I did. You're just such a troublemaker."

"Aw, Scotty. I sure do miss ya. Let's just sit and rock, and think about the good ol' days."