Wednesday, April 26, 2006

::shrug::

Has everyone else been paralyzed by malaise lately? I'd really like to be sure I don't need to seek professional help. Lately, I've felt like a little hamster in a wheel. I run furiously but don't get anywhere. I get up at 7:25, shower, make coffee, listen to NPR, get dressed, drink my coffee, get on the T, listen to the same playlist on my iPod on the T, come to work, email, blog, work, then go to the gym, then go home. I watch the same television shows. Fridays I go out with the girls, which is good. Weekends are spent watching the Food Network. Same shit. Different week.

To be honest, I'm not sure what would break up the malaise enough to make me feel better. I don't want to date anyone right now after the dramatics of March. For Christ's sake, I just went to Italy, and I'm still feeling like I'm in a big rut. The money situation sucks and shows no signs of getting any better. (Seriously. Freelance proofreader for hire here! Ask about my competitive rates!) I love all the people in my life, but something is missing from my little existence. Would I feel better if I were getting published? Maybe it's some sort of emotionally instinctive head-in-the-sand maneuver since I'll be moving next month and I'm dreading that? Or am I in some emotional refractory period from March? Can emotional exhaustion have a delay, like the flash and boom of the explosion the trigger event so closely resembles?

Lord, I have resorted to rhetorical questions again. I leave you with this:
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