Election Day

Okay, America. Tonight's the big night. Pundits and talking heads have been on about this for weeks. It's divided America, and we must raise our voices in concert tonight.



Not this man, America. Not Taylor Hicks. While it's great that people with disabilities can make it so far in America these days (it explains the equilibrium loss and tourette's like spewing of "Soul Patrol!") this man should not be your American Idol. He's a one trick pony, and I can only hope he breaks something and America is forced to euthanize him by making him second-runner-up. (Too soon for horse jokes?)

Not like I'm the biggest phan of McPhee either.



Yes, she's completely gorgeous, but I feel like... I went to Emerson. I know you, McPhee. This is the girl who sings in hallways to show off to all the other musical theater majors that she has the best voice, and all y'all bitches best step off. Also, her mother is scary and probably locks her in a closet when she fucks up. "You go to your closet and you practice your scales!" But, barring an earthquake or the flu rendering them both incapable of serving, I'd prefer McPhee.

My American Idol always has been and always will be La Clarkson. July 16th can't happen soon enough for me. But, enjoy the television hoopla for the next few days, because that's what this show is all about. Hoopla.