Road Tested

Since it was warm and humid yesterday, which everyone else complained about but I enjoy just because I'm not shivering from head-to-toe like I do all winter long, I tested out my American Apparel t-shirt halter dress, aka the Boob Dress. My Mom looked at me and said, "You're a bit dressed up, aren't you?"

"No," I said, putting my stuff in my purse to head to the fire station and buy chowder and clamcakes, "it's a t-shirt."

"Yes, but it's a little..." my Mom paused, glancing at my chest, "fancy."

"Well, jeez, Mom," I said, "it'd be risque if I had any boobs. You can't see anything."

We drove to the fire station, where the townies were out in force. One old guy had his trucker mesh hat adorned with those red poppies that veterans groups sell at the grocery store. Another old guy stirred the literal cauldron of greasy, peppery chowder. My Mom stood next to me, and advised me to watch the sides of the top, else I'd have a wardrobe malfunction in front of her neighbors and coworkers.

I ate my chowder, retied the straps in the "keyhole" formation, and left for Boston. I stopped at Ikea on my way home to pick up some necessities for my new place (wine opener, colander-- anybody who stops by in the first week gets Two-Buck-Chuck and Annie's Mac and Cheese) and learned that getting in and out of the car in this dress requires a nip check. Luckily, no one was around as I slid the top back into place. Could I have needed a size smaller? It seems unlikely, but maybe?

I dropped my stuff off at my apartment, and my roommate came out of her room to grab something and put it in a box. "What are you all dressed up for? Got a hot date or something?"

"It's a t-shirt," I argued meekly, not wanting to get into it and really wanting to start packing since once I saw how much she'd packed, I realized I was way behind.

So, I guess this dress made of t-shirt fabric is haute couture, per my roommate and mother. Watch the nips, girls, and you'll be fine. Also, here's a self-indulgent hipster chest photo. Soon to be added to my Friendster page!!

Is twenty-five too old for this? It is, isn't it?